IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #animals
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Many
people
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 are of the opinion that wildlife should be saved from extinction
whereas
Linking Words
 some believe that not all
animals
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 should be saved as they are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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mankind. In my opinion, all
animals
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 must be protected from being endangered as their lives are precious. It is believed by a segment of society that only rare wildlife should be saved from being eloped, as their life is paramount
for
Change preposition
to
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 other
animals
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. It is evident that
deers
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deer
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 are pivotal for lions and tigers, so they should be protected. To illustrate, some
people
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 think that polar bears are not essential,
thus
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 they should not be safeguarded, because a few years ago, they attacked human beings, so it is opined by
people
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 that they should not be preserved.
Nonetheless
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, there are
people
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 who feel that all
animals
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 should be kept with care, as they are dependent upon each other for their survival. Had they not been preserved, the food chain would have been disturbed and,
thus
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,
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to their disappearance from the world.
For instance
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, there is an interconnection between fauna, and all species are interdependent on others for their food. If
this
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foodweb
Correct your spelling
food web
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 gets disturbed, it would lead to devastating effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature.
Furthermore
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, there are
also
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 rare
kind
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kinds
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 of white tigers and elephants, that should be preserved from being vanished. In conclusion, all lives are vital, whether human beings or
animals
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, those who believe that only essential
animals
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 should
be survived
Wrong verb form
survive
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, do not know their importance for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature and mankind. I believe that every wildlife should be retained, whether small or large, as they all are living beings of paramount value.
Submitted by Meenakshi libran gal on

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coherence cohesion
Develop your ideas more clearly and provide examples that directly relate to the points you are making. Use cohesive devices to link ideas within and between sentences more effectively.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully address all parts of the essay question and support your ideas with relevant examples and explanation. Use a clear and consistent structure throughout the essay to enhance clarity and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • conservation status
  • ecological significance
  • holistic approach
  • endangered species
  • natural heritage
  • unforeseen negative impacts
  • economically non-viable
  • prioritization
  • ecosystem balance
  • conservation efforts
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