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Band 4.5

Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believed it is better to deal with them nationally. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #scale
Although
 many individuals believed that environmental issues should be alleviated on a global scale,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
many argued that dealing with them nationally is a better option. I agree with the former opinion, as it is beneficial in terms of both finance and implementation of
policies
. On the one hand, many people
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
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 that environmental issues ought to
ameliorate
Wrong verb form
be ameliorated
show examples
 on a global scale, and I agree with that as it has numerous benefits.
Firstly
, it is beneficial in terms of finance, when nations are dealing with these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of issues they invest equally,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 is helpful for the countries who are struggling financially.
Secondly
, when they are dealing with these problems globally, it has become extremely easy to make
policies
 to protect the environment
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
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 the implementation of the
policies
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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 easier because our universe
became
Wrong verb form
has become
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 a global village, and communication between countries becomes easier which helps us to work as a team.
On the other hand
, some argue that it should be done nationally, as it is time effective,
for instance
, if a country has a successful plan to mitigate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental problems
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can initiate the plan immediately, as they don’t have to wait for others to show interest because they are working to resolve the threat solely. Another benefit of doing
this
 on the national level is that the implementation of the
policies
 can be effective immediately as they don’t have to wait for the approval of other countries, and they can monitor all the activities effectively. In conclusion,
while
 people have differences in their opinions, I consider that environmental problems should be ameliorated globally, as it is better for the nations
as well as
 for the universe.
Submitted by ian miracle on

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task response
The introduction effectively presents both viewpoints and the opinion, but the arguments lack depth and development. Add more supporting details and examples to strengthen the points.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the development of main points lacks depth and clarity. Work on providing more detailed explanations for each argument, and ensure that the points are logically connected throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • international cooperation
  • sovereign rights
  • Paris Agreement
  • climate change
  • ocean pollution
  • collective measures
  • economic interests
  • political will
  • enforcement issues
  • free-riders
  • tailor-made solutions
  • transboundary pollution
  • resource constraints
  • global frameworks
  • national efforts
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