IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Task 2 - Many people believe that best way to produce a happier society is to ensure a that there is small differences of earning between the riches members. and poorest members. ( agree or disagree ).

#people #society #differences #riches #members
It is clear that many people always desire to have a well-being in their daily
life
. It is argued that one of the optimal
suggestion
Suggestion
suggested
 to create a joyful society is narrow the level of wealth between the richest and the poorest citizens. From my point of view,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 strongly disagree with
this
 idea because of the following reasons. The
first
 reason is that
health
 is always the most invaluable people’s asset to have a desirable
life
. It is true that a great mental and physical
health
 will afford us more positive energy to tangle the challenges in our
life
.
In addition
, if
your
second person pronoun; the person addressed
you
 want to possess a huge property, you must own a vigorous
health
 to earn for your living and
then
 to enjoy your
life
. According to a survey collected from a US Community Center in 2018, more than 60 % of the Americans regarded
health
 as the most vital part in their
life
. Apart from the practical concerns expressed above,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
also
 suppose that a safe community is a secure factor contributing to the
citizens’well
Suggestion
citizens’ well
-being. Indeed, an enjoyable
life
 cannot be ensured if people must face up with dangers from natural disasters, social evils, war,...
An
Suggestion
A
 remarkable example is that
Japanese
Suggestion
the Japanese
 have to struggle with terrible
earthquakes
Suggestion
earthquake's
 year by year. It does not matter how much money they have, they cannot use it to prevent it. Taking
intoo
Suggestion
in to
in too
 consideration all of these facts, wealth gap
also
 should be encouraged to curb for a delighted society.
However
,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 completely reckon that it is not the best policy to bring satisfaction for people, the rich
health
 and the face
life
 are much more necessary in the community.
Submitted by datdo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: