Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. to what extent do you agree or disagree?
To illustrate, the point said above, people nowadays think that the most feasible way of producing happiness in
the
society is to ensure that there is a low contrast between the rich and the poorest members. Correct article usage
apply
However
, I believe there is a broad difference between rich and poor.
Firstly
, there is a financial imbalance between them as everyone knows wealth plays one of the key role
in life. Change to a plural noun
roles
For example
, even though
if a person is intelligent, smart or good looking those qualities aren't going to fill their stomach. Correct word choice
apply
Secondly
, there is a large amount of inequality in public such
as they subconsciously or unknowingly differentiates
on the basis of Correct subject-verb agreement
differentiate
the
appearance, Correct article usage
apply
due
to that we don't even know how badly we might have hurt someone's feelings unintentionally. Correct word choice
and due
Also
, in this
corrupt world
the poor suffer. Add a comma
world,
For example
, in some cases the rich pay more incentive and corrupts
the process and Wrong verb form
corrupt
skips
the line, Correct subject-verb agreement
skip
however
, the poorer
Correct word choice
poor
obeys
the system since, as their hands are tied in terms of power and advantagesCorrect subject-verb agreement
obey
Correct word choice
apply
although
, each and everyone should obey the institution. So, according to
this
I disagree a bit with it. Add a comma
this,
Thus
, I think, a balance should be created.
Furthermore
, on the other hand
, there are similarities, specially
the basic needs of a human being are the same for the penurious Replace the word
especially
as well as
the prosperous ones. For instance
, such
as:
food, Remove the comma
apply
Correct your spelling
clothes
cloths
and house. I, Correct your spelling
clothes
therefore
, agree with the definition on the some
point that it would create a nicer universe if we say that there is just a little diversity among them, Correct quantifier usage
apply
this
would also
bring a
mental peace for the necessitous and reduce their emotional baggage. Correct article usage
apply
Hence
it could be the best way to bring stability in
the environment.
To summarize, saying that won't bring a lot of change in their physical situationChange preposition
to
,
but could calm their brains and decrease their insecurity. Remove the comma
apply
Thus
, I believe it should be said out in open
to bring a little change.Correct article usage
the open
Submitted by Karina Patel on
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Task Response
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and provide a clear thesis statement that addresses the prompt. Ensure that your examples are relevant and support your main points effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more effectively. Consider using topic sentences to introduce each paragraph and ensure that your arguments flow logically from one to the next.
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