IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #focus #pollution #illness #disease
It is true that, living in a polluted environment will cause lots of
health
 issues.
This
 has always been an argumentative topic amount people on whether
government
 should focus on environmental
pollution
 and housing problems. In my opinion, by simply improving the environment and housing problems will not cure or prevent people from being sick or improve public
health
. Indeed, environment
pollution
 and poor condition raise many
health
 problems.
For example
, air
pollution
 is a major problem in urban area. Due to increase of cars usage and expansion of manufacturing sector, many people suffer from respiratory ailments especially people with asthma. While, in rural area, lack of access to clean water and
unhygine
 surrounding is their main problem. Their living condition is surrounded by mosquitos they have brought the spread of
disease
. Overall, if the
government
 mainly forces on improving their housing facilities and
pollution
Accept comma addition
pollution, disease
disease
 of
such
 can be avoided.
Nevertheless
, simply forcing to the problem surface will not prevent the
disease
 from happening again. The
government
 will need to do more than that, they will need to allocate a portion of its budget to investing on vaccine.
This
 will prevent
disease
 to becoming pandemic.
Besides
 that, launch
health
 awareness campaigns and educate people with basic medical needs will improve public
health
. Even if the
government
 provided housing of
such
disease
 will still be a factor affecting the society. In conclusion, there are no doubts that reduce
pollution
 and better housing
facilities
Suggestion
facility
 benefits public
health
. At the same time,
government
 should
also
 launch
health
 awareness campaigns and provide citizen will
health
 check-up every year to reduce the number of people being sick.
Submitted by melody su on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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