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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more schools allow fast-food restaurants to sell their products to their students. Is it a positive or negative development?

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Many educational institutes have permitted
the
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junk food outlets to trade their produce to the pupils.
This
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 approach can lead to
the
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major health issues in the students, and can
also
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 slow down the growth.
Therefore
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,
this
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 is undoubtedly unfavourable progress.
This
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 essay will discuss its impact in detail with a suitable example.
Firstly
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, the processed food available in the canteens contains a huge amount of fat and sugar, which causes obesity, diabetes, and even cancer.
In other words
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, the over-consumption of
such
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 foodstuffs can have adverse effects on the health of
the
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school-going children.
Moreover
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, it will directly have
influence
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an influence
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 on their academic performance because there will be more chances of students getting sick.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a survey conducted by the University of Shimla, in 2016, in India, it was found that the students who consume a lot of unhealthy, ready-to-eat products show poor school results.
Secondly
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, most of the fast- food places have packed foodstuff, which contains various preservatives, and are directly linked to a decline in
the
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mental and physical development.
This
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 is to say that the daily consumption at
such
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 restaurants will reduce the growth of children.
Furthermore
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, they will have
an
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inactive
brain
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brains
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, which decreases
the
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effective learning in
the
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adolescents. To exemplify, the research carried out in 2018,
in
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at
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 the University of Nainital, India, says that the long-term consumption of preservatives causes a 40%
of
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reduction in the cognitive development of human beings.
Thus
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, the selling of
the
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processed foodstuffs in schools is extremely harmful.
To conclude
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, the retailing of junk products
in
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on
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 school premises is a negative growth.
Moreover
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, its daily utilisation reduces the progress
,
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 and enhances the risk of deadly diseases in pupils.

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coherence cohesion
Well-structured essay with clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Good use of examples to support arguments.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that address the prompt.
task achievement
Effective use of examples to strengthen the arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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