IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

More and more schools allow fast-food restaurants to sell their products to their students. Is it a positive or negative development?

#schools #fast-food #restaurants #products #students #development
Many educational institutes have permitted
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk food outlets to trade their produce to the pupils.
This
 approach can lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
major health issues in the students, and can
also
 slow down the growth.
Therefore
,
this
 is undoubtedly unfavourable progress.
This
 essay will discuss its impact in detail with a suitable example.
Firstly
, the processed food available in the canteens contains a huge amount of fat and sugar, which causes obesity, diabetes, and even cancer.
In other words
, the over-consumption of
such
 foodstuffs can have adverse effects on the health of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school-going children.
Moreover
, it will directly have
influence
Add an article
an influence
show examples
 on their academic performance because there will be more chances of students getting sick.
For instance
,
according to
 a survey conducted by the University of Shimla, in 2016, in India, it was found that the students who consume a lot of unhealthy, ready-to-eat products show poor school results.
Secondly
, most of the fast- food places have packed foodstuff, which contains various preservatives, and are directly linked to a decline in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental and physical development.
This
 is to say that the daily consumption at
such
 restaurants will reduce the growth of children.
Furthermore
, they will have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inactive
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
, which decreases
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
effective learning in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescents. To exemplify, the research carried out in 2018,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the University of Nainital, India, says that the long-term consumption of preservatives causes a 40%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reduction in the cognitive development of human beings.
Thus
, the selling of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
processed foodstuffs in schools is extremely harmful.
To conclude
, the retailing of junk products
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 school premises is a negative growth.
Moreover
, its daily utilisation reduces the progress
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and enhances the risk of deadly diseases in pupils.
Submitted by Yudhishthir on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Well-structured essay with clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Good use of examples to support arguments.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that address the prompt.
task achievement
Effective use of examples to strengthen the arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: