IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine
Nowadays, Many people argue that the best method to deal with physical
health
 and diseases is focused on
precausion
the quality of being reproducible in amount or performance
precision
pressing
 action
instead
 of spending on medical therapy and meditation. I strongly agree with the statement and will support my argument with examples.
Firstly
, preventive steps taken in
health
 is always beneficial in an economical manner.
For example
, the cost of providing vaccine of to public by
health
 department will be much lesser than the amount of taxpayer money spend to fight with that disease.
In other words
, containing a
health
 related problem in earlier stage is always better than fixing afterwards.
On the other hand
, not all human
health
 issues are preventable.
For instance
, there are plenty of bacteria about which medical science is still unaware that how they affect human begins.
Moreover Goverment
Accept comma addition
Moreover, Government
Moreover Government
 funding is necessary in research and treatment of
such
 bio-organism so that more data can be collected. In conclusion, focusing on preventive action will lead to financial aid in the long term. Government should split the funding in a balanced manner between prevention and medical research.
Submitted by zoyapervez21 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: