IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people get into debt buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people having this problem?

#people #debt #don’t #can’t #behaviour #action
A rising tide of consumerism has swept much of the world in the past century, and as it is easy to get a loan or a credit card,
people
 are finding themselves quickly sliding into
debt
. There are many reasons for
this
problem
,
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 and some potential solutions to it. The main reason for the current abundance of
debt
 is that
people
 are living in a very materialistic world, where they are constantly exposed to advertising and even gloating on social media. They feel that they need to buy things because other
people
 have them or because society demands
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. From iPhones to fancy cars, there is huge social pressure for
people
 to buy expensive goods. Even when they can’t afford it, banks advertise credit cards everywhere and companies offer payday loans with high interest rates. It is very easy for
people
 to borrow
this
 money, and they soon find that their
debt
 piles up. There is no easy solution to the
debt
problem
, but some important steps need to be taken in order to reduce the severity of the situation.
Firstly
, as always, education is important. High school students should be educated in school about financial matters
,
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 and encouraged not to take out credit cards or loans unless necessary. Governments should
also
 set rules about interest rates and loan advertisements in order to make payments more reasonable. There should
also
 be limits on how easily they can give loans to
people
,
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 so that
people
 cannot borrow more than they could ever pay back. In conclusion,
debt
 is a huge
problem
 in society partly because it is so easy to get into
debt
. Schools and governments can take some steps to help solve
this
problem
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
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Use relevant examples to support your ideas. Where possible, use specific and varied examples to make your case stronger.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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