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Band 4

Some people believe that air travel should be restricted because it causes serious pollution and uses up the world’s fuel resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #air #travel #pollution #world’s #fuel #resources
Lower cost of
air
 transport made it easier for each and every person to
travel
 around the world. Different people have different views on the recent burning issue. Some experts believe that it should be banned for future prospects which can cause environmental issues.
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think that it should not banned,
instead
 it should be relocated to a place where it can be less harmful. To start with, many environmentalists consider
air
travel
 as a threat to the environment and to the local community.
Air
travel
 can create lots of noise and
air
 pollution. They believe that some penalties need to be imposed to restrict
air
travel
.
In addition
 to that, it
also
 consumes lots of fuel and the earth has a limited amount of fuel storage underneath it and it can
be scares
Change the verb form
be scared
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 at any point
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 time if it is not used wisely.
Moreover
, having cheaper
air
 transportation will lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 more traffic in nearby areas.
As a result
 of that, more noise and
air
 pollution will
create
Wrong verb form
be created
show examples
.
Besides
 that, People who live
nearby
Correct your spelling
near
show examples
 airports can face severe noises that can affect their
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 lifestyle. To add that, it
also
 causes
air
 pollution, which can be dangerous to the environment and it can cause some breathing problems in the local community.
For instance
, people who live
nearby
Correct your spelling
near the
show examples
air
 port cannot sleep because of awful noises.
However
, there are other ways that it cannot be harmful to the local community and the environment. The government should play
vital
Add an article
a vital
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 role in protecting those things.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should choose those areas for
airport
Fix the agreement mistake
airports
show examples
 which are far from local communities. Other than that,
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 should try to find various alternative technologies that can cause less environmental issues.
These kind
Change the determiner
This kind
These kinds
show examples
 of technologies are yet found, but research is still going on. Imposing penalties
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a temporary solution, but the governing body should find a permanent solution to it. In conclusion,
Air
 traffic can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to some reverse environmental effects. Resources
such
 as fossil fuels, which are very
rarely
Change the word
rare
show examples
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to be reserved for future generations. Putting
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
 on
Correct your spelling
air
show examples
ait
Correct your spelling
air
show examples
 transport is a narrow thought,
whereas
 getting relocated and finding alternatives will have a better scope.
Submitted by Kishankumar Kabariya on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the writer's position and introduces the main points to be discussed. Also, organize the essay in a logical and coherent manner to support the writer's views.
task response
The response covers the main points but lacks depth and clarity in some areas. Ensure that the ideas are clearly presented and the response fully addresses the task question, providing a clear position and relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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