IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this?

#people #companies #employees #exercise #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many companies tend to provide employees with
day time
the time after sunrise and before sunset while it is light outside
daytime
 exercise scheme, which is usually before working or
at
Suggestion
in
 the middle of work-time. From my perspective, I totally believe that
this
 is a positive development, which brings about benefits for both employees and the
company
 itself. It is undeniable that people who take exercises in a regular basis, in some extent, have a better
health
, both mental and physical. By organizing exercise time during the day, almost employees can avoid suffering from
health
 deteriorates, from extremely
tiredness
Suggestion
tired
tiring
, headache or even fever, after sitting in front of the computer for a long period.
As a result
, the
company
 may hopefully
to achieve
Suggestion
achieve
 a greater budget and become more and more prestigious thank to the effective staff.
Besides
, workers who are in good condition usually have a better attitude to their works, which is really necessary, especially employees who work in customer service. Another reason is that companies are trying to recruit good employees from their opponent companies by offering
employees handsome salary
Suggestion
an employee's handsome salary
employee's handsome salary
employee's handsome salaries
employees' handsome salary
 and higher position.
In other words
, it is important for companies to keep their employees. By carrying out an exercise scheme, the
company
 will have more loyal employees because people generally want to attach to a
company
 which really care for their
health
.
Moreover
, the
company
 with better
health
 care policies
also attract
Suggestion
also attracts
has also attracted
is also attracting
 skilled workers from other companies, resulting in an incredible development of the
company
. To sum up, I firmly believe that companies should allocate time for employees to take exercises during the day. A
company
 whose workers are loyal and healthy is more likely to attain success in the long run.
Submitted by Kha Nguyễn Trung on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: