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Band 6.5

For many young people today, shopping is their favourite free time activity. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time?

#people #favourite #time #activity #activities
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In recent times, due to increase of modernization, people's approach towards hobbies has changed drastically, especially among young people. At present shopping has become a favourite pass
time
. According to me, I believe
this
 kind of activity is totally a waste of
time
 unless it is for an important occasion. A recent study has shown that 95% of the shoppers end up shopping due to the constant advertisement of enormous products on television, newspapers and even by SMS on their mobile phones.
Therefore
Accept comma addition
Therefore, this
this
 results in curiosity among adolescent to at least visit the store and spend some
time
 in trying out various options.
Moreover
, due to emerging of shopping malls being the one stop for all brands made more and more people inclined to visit the shopping centre.
Furthermore
, youngsters consider these malls more of like a recreational place to meet their friends and closed once as they conduct attractive shows and challenging activities. Parents and government can come together bringing some positive attributes among young people.
Firstly
, parents should spend adequate
time
 with their children and find out what interest them the most and encourage them in learning that activity, whether it is a sport, dance or music.
Similarly
, government must impose a policy for younger generations to serve the older and needy people once a month. These charities enable positive outlook for teenager and teach them how effective
time
 is.
Therefore
, to conclude, though the young people try and opt shopping as their pass
time
, it is the responsibility of parents and government to make them realize the importance of
time
 and its utilization.
Submitted by Julia on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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