IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world.

#pace #life #children #time #indoors #exposure #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The chart and the table illustrate the data about the
population
Use synonyms
 figures in Japan. The chart shows the Japan's
population
Use synonyms
trend
Use synonyms
 among the past,
presenet
give an exhibition of to an interested audience
present
 and future. It can be seen that there has been an increasing
trend
Use synonyms
 from 1950 to 2005, as the
population
Use synonyms
 has increased from 84.1
million
Use synonyms
 to 127.8
million
Use synonyms
,
that is
Linking Words
 even the pick of their
population
Use synonyms
. From 2005, the
declying
grow worse
declining
trend
Use synonyms
 has been started and it is predicted that the
population
Use synonyms
 will
decreas
decrease in size, extent, or range
decrease
decreased
 to the number of 89.9, which is about the same number of people from 1955. The table
is illustrating
Suggestion
illustrates
 the
population
Use synonyms
 of individuals aged 65 years or over and the percentage of
this
Linking Words
 portion of
society
Use synonyms
. As can be seen, the
population
Use synonyms
 of
old
Suggestion
older
 people in 1950 was about 4.1
miliion
(in Roman numerals, M written with a macron over it) denoting a quantity consisting of 1,000,000 items or units
million
millions
 as entire the
population
Use synonyms
 was only 84.1
million
Use synonyms
, so the portion of
society
Use synonyms
 was about 4.9 percent, so it can be get that the majority of
society
Use synonyms
 was young in those days.
Unfortunatly
Suggestion
Unfortunately
, it is predicted that by the year of 2055 the
population
Use synonyms
 of old people will reach to a number of 36.5
million
Use synonyms
 as the
population
Use synonyms
 is expected to be around 89.9
million
Use synonyms
, so the percentage of
total
Suggestion
the total population
population
Use synonyms
 of the
oldery
advanced in years; ('aged' is pronounced as two syllables)
older
older y
elderly
population
Use synonyms
 is about 41 percent,
apparantly
from appearances alone
apparently
 the
population
Use synonyms
 will be called an
oldery
advanced in years; ('aged' is pronounced as two syllables)
older
older y
orderly
society
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 may have
many
Suggestion
much
 news for us, and
unfortunatly
by bad luck
unfortunately
 most of them are not good, so it is
adviced
having the benefit of careful prior consideration or counsel
advised
advices
advice
 for more
reasearches
available source of wealth; a new or reserve supply that can be drawn upon when needed
resources
 about
this
Linking Words
 subject, and more social policies to keep the
society
Use synonyms
 young in
future
Suggestion
the future
.
Submitted by mashaey on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: