Many people are optimistic of the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you share their optimism? What changes would you like to see in the new century?

#people #st #century #opportunity #changes #world #optimism

There is no doubt that optimism towards the 21st century and its viability to enhance

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

nature is a great concern, especially with the background of rapidly developing technologies I think there are valid arguments for both, approving and diminishing

this

optimism.

Firstly

, the inevitable rise of global problems prevents making rapid improvements to the planet.

As a result

, it will take more than a century to make meaningful positive

changes

For instance

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

global warming causes a variety of other issues that society has to eliminate first.

In addition

, part of the humankind that holds most of the money is not interested in solving these problems, because it is a possible source of income that can be exploited. Take

for

Add the comma(s)

, for

show examples

example, building companies that may have to work twice

due to

earthquakes or floods.

Lastly

, making any

changes

requires time to see the results, especially speaking of the globe itself,

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

cannot be altered quickly by human means.

On the other hand

, the development of new technologies opens new opportunities

Change preposition

for

show examples

humankind, especially for bringing positive

changes

to the dust. A good example would be a water filtration system or environmentally friendly cars. As a predictable outcome, the environment would recover from damage caused by society over the

last

few decades.

Furthermore

, even the smallest action like planting a tree

are

Change the verb form

show examples

already considered to be positive and have a significant effect on the planet.

Lastly

, these alterations should not be considered to be only in the field of environment.

Thus

, enhancing society or other sectors

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

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also

considered to be positively altered.

Consequently

, almost any beneficial deed

is contributing

Wrong verb form

contributes

show examples

to the planet and can be considered positive.

However

, positive

changes

in the environment and medicine are more appreciable.

Overall

, I believe that

new

Correct article usage

the new

show examples

century allows new positive alternations to take place, without any aberrations preventing improvements.

Submitted by Huyền Phạm Khánh on Thu Jul 30 2020

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task response

Your essay provides a partial response to the task. Make sure to fully address the question and provide a balanced evaluation of the topic.

coherence cohesion

Your essay shows some evidence of logical sequencing of ideas, but there are areas that lack coherence and cohesion. Work on organizing your ideas in a more logical and coherent manner.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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16Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

307 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people are optimistic of the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you share their optimism? What changes would you like to see in the new century?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness?

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e. g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

With increasing populations and ever growing urban centers, many countries are losing their natural beauty spots. What benefits are there to protecting places of natural beauty? How can this be solved?