IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction,a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give opinion.

#people #job #satisfaction #security
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Many people believe that
job
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satisfaction
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 is our main priority while
other
plural of other; the people or things not already mentioned
others
 argue
job
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 security should be our primary concern as its least possible to find
satisfaction
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 in every
work
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. In my opinion
,
Accept space
,
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
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 is crucial for employees
,
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,
Linking Words
however it
Accept comma addition
however, it
 is more valuable to obtain
permanent
Suggestion
a permanent job
permanent jobs
job
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 in
this
Linking Words
 competitive modern era.
Job
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satisfaction
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 enhances employee productivity and resourcefulness. It is widely common to find people pursuing their interested subject which
encourage
Suggestion
encourages
 them to utilise their full potential along with skill and thereby, becoming
resourceful person
Suggestion
a resourceful person
. Generally, people tend
deliver
Suggestion
to deliver
 better performance with their peace and elated mind state as it
boost
Suggestion
boosts
 their concentration level leading to
effective function
Suggestion
the effective function
 of
whole body
Suggestion
the whole body
 on their production. There are
plethora
Suggestion
a plethora
 of companies making
effort
Suggestion
an effort
the effort
 to create
suitable working environment
Suggestion
a suitable working environment
 which might invigorate their worker
such
Linking Words
 as annual leave allowances, compensation on extra commitment and healthy insurance
.
Accept space
.
However
Linking Words
, secure
job
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 ensure our means of survival in
modern technology world
Suggestion
the modern technology world
. In
early century
Suggestion
early centuries
the early century
, human
resourse
available source of wealth; a new or reserve supply that can be drawn upon when needed
resources
 are
key element
Suggestion
key elements
a key element
 of successful business as there is no substitute of for man power. As the time goes so
did
Suggestion
does
 the technology began to sublimate man power which
enforce
Suggestion
enforces
 organisation to lay off certain employees.
Hence
Linking Words
 it would be much advantageous to obtain permanent
work
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 which could provide stable income for our livelihood.
Job
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 security
are not limited
Suggestion
is not limited
 to sole
survival
Suggestion
surviving
survivors
, its rewarding income encourages people to be consistent
on
Suggestion
with
 their goal achievement
.
Accept space
.
 Permanent
job
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 holder tends to live
meaningful life
Suggestion
a meaningful life
meaningful lives
 with less pressure
of
Suggestion
in
 future anticipation which deter overburden on society.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is
constant increase
Suggestion
a constant increase
the constant increase
 in
number
Suggestion
the number
 of people committing suicide in Bollywood industry owing their unstable
work
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 life. To conclude, I believe there is no standard concept
for
Suggestion
of
job
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satisfaction
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, as it varies from each individual.
Linking Words
hence
(used to introduce a logical conclusion) from that fact or reason or as a result
Hence
 it
clearly indicate
Suggestion
clearly indicates
 that it depends on one's own perception and attitude towards their
work
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 life
.
Accept space
.
 On
contrary
Suggestion
the contrary
, it's more reliable to input effort on
stable
Suggestion
the stable job
job
Use synonyms
 which allows standard living.
Submitted by Dazz Sandy on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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