IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Children today spend a lot of time on playing games and they spend little time on sports. What are the reasons and what should be done to tackle the problem?

#children #time #games #sports
In the age of information and technology, digital games have undergone a transcendent surge in the ubiquity among adolescents as opposed to sports and other physically-demanding activities.
This
 essay will shed a light on the key contributors to
this
 tendency and,
furthermore
 explain why the merits of
this
 will be overshadowed by its demerits in the long run. There are several foremost causes leading to
this
 inclination. Chief among them is the lack of parental care and guidance. To illustrate, in order to meet the working demand and put food on the table, some parents have to deal with heavy workloads.
As a result
, children who can be easily swayed by the splendid, vivid graphic and vibrant sound effects of games may fall victim to online
games
Suggestion
game
 addiction.
This
 situation is
also
 attributable to the ease of accessibility.
In other words
, in
this
 modern era with the boom in the number of virtual games, youngsters can approach a plethora of games in just a click of a button. To my firm belief, regardless of some advantageous points of games, there are several adverse impacts on the frequent game players. Digital games undeniably have
high sense
Suggestion
a high sense
 of entertainment with fun-filled plot and epic fighting scenes which can help users unwind.
However
,
long-time
relating to or extending over a relatively long time
long-term
 exposure to the screen without movements can harm their eyes and backbones. Apart from that, pupils those who allocate lots of time experiencing digital games may overlook sports and exercise may lead sedentary lifestyles and suffer from some chronic diseases like myopia, hypertension and obesity. In conclusion, virtual games rather than sports have become increasingly
favorable
encouraging or approving or pleasing
favourable
 among youngsters due to various compelling factors.
This
 trend may seem a double-edged sword, but in the long term
this
 will have negative influences towards young people in terms of their.
Submitted by Cẩm Luân Phùng on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: