IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Obesity
Use synonyms
 is becoming
one
Use synonyms
 of the main concerns among children in today's world.
This
Linking Words
 is
one
Use synonyms
 of the growing concern among the youth.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is due to the unhealthy intake of food by children.
This
Linking Words
 can be solved by building a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 for children and making them aware of the risk involved with being obese. Unhealthy
diet
Use synonyms
 is
one
Use synonyms
 of the main reason of
obesity
Use synonyms
 among children.
This
Linking Words
 is because nowadays, children intake large amount of calories and fats. Most of the unhealthy intake is taken by them in their school.Parents are unaware of these unhealthy
Use synonyms
diet
Suggestion
diets
. These diets are reasons of their ailing health.
For example
Linking Words
, according to a survey children in western countries consume more 37% than the rest of the world.
However
Linking Words
, these problems can be eliminated by educating children about
obesity
Use synonyms
 and the consequences of being obese and
secondly
Linking Words
 by developing a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 for them.Designating certain period in school educating children about
obesity
Use synonyms
 will help them to know more about healthy and unhealthy
diet
Use synonyms
. Developing personal
diet
Use synonyms
 charts for children and balancing fats and calories can help them to stay healthy and live a long life.
For instance
Linking Words
, Teaching children about healthy life will help them more than imposing rules to eat less unhealthy food. In conclusion, the rate of
obesity
Use synonyms
 among children is increasing at a high rate.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can be slowed by spreading awareness about the consequences of
obesity
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, unhealthy diets should be reduced in school as it is
one
Use synonyms
 of the main causes of being overweight.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: