IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crimes is to apply longer prison sentences, other people think that there are better methods of doing so. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crimes #prison #sentences #methods
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people argue that an effective way to reduce crimes could be to apply longer prison sentences, while others believe that there could be better methods of doing so. Personally, I believe that a jail sentence is always not effective if is not joined with some other measures that lead to rehabilitate the prisoner. There are several reasons for preferring an alternative method
instead
Linking Words
 of a longer penitentiary sentence.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a long sentence is a passive practice of punishing the subject, for
this
Linking Words
 reason the detainee waste too much time without try to be a better person or to boost some of his ability.
Linking Words
Furthermore there
Accept comma addition
Furthermore, there
 almost no positive aspects in a long penitentiary decision as the captive will exit the confined and he will find a world more difficult to understand for him.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it's noticeable how a different approach can lead to better results in order to re-educate criminals.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to fully recover a captive is advisable to teach and improve his education as much as possible.
Linking Words
Moreover it
Accept comma addition
Moreover, it
 can be useful to create a reserved access to the job market for the prisoner that are formed to fit the requested positions.
For example
Linking Words
, different studies suggest that in some countries where alternative approach is chosen more often, there is a higher number of fully rehabilitated captive compared to the number of detainees in countries where normal jail sentences are applied. In conclusion, To reduce crime, it would be advisable to modify our form of rehabilitation for the prisoners. It should be created an alternative form to teach criminals how to integrate and relate to the society.
As a result
Linking Words
 the crime could be effectively reduced.
Submitted by Niccolò on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: