IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in terms of family development?

#people #country #work #outweigh #terms #development
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A number of people move to the foreign countries along with their family members to do a job over there.Despite the main disadvantage of
high amount
Suggestion
the high amount
 of expenses to stay with the whole family, I believe the major advantage of moral
support
Use synonyms
 from the family to deal with new work ambience is far
outweigh
Suggestion
outweighed
 than any downside. The significant disadvantage of living with a family in
other
any of various alternatives; some other
another
country
Use synonyms
, is a
person
Use synonyms
 would face financial burden.
First
Linking Words
 of all, he cannot stay in a sharing home, which is economical due to his rest of the family's comfort.
Hence
Linking Words
, to give a huge amount of rent in the starting period
at
Suggestion
in
of
 the new
country
Use synonyms
 to a single house will become difficult.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Childrens' higher educational fees would
also
Linking Words
 cause money related crisis.Because of all these reasons, in
initial days
Suggestion
the initial days
, people cannot tackle the financial burden at a new place with a new employment.
For example
Linking Words
, The New York Times newspaper revealed that 15% of employees who migrated with their families, were
failed
Suggestion
failing
 to manage their expenditure.
Although
Linking Words
, I believe with the help of family a
person
Use synonyms
 could overcome all the situation.
However
Linking Words
, the principle benefit of taking family together is a
support
Use synonyms
from
Suggestion
for
 them.If people with their family live anywhere, they all will defeat any tough situation.To cope up with new working environment
support
Use synonyms
 from a wife or a parent is essential for encouragement.An employee does not feel a homesickness and a depression because his family is there to look after him.If the rest of the family
member
Suggestion
members
 start to work
at
Suggestion
in
 a new
country
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as any part time job, they do not get money related pressure.I think
support
Use synonyms
 and help of family solve any tension of the working
person
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, while having problem in managing an
expenses
Suggestion
expense
, when a family stays with an employee in another
country
Use synonyms
 is a major drawback, I
therefore
Linking Words
 believe a
person
Use synonyms
 can overcome with job and financial related issues by living with a family, is a main benefit far outweigh any disadvantage.
Submitted by vishwa sagar on

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