IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

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Migration from rural areas to the big
cities
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 has become more common among young generations. There are a variety of reasons for that trend. Some
people
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 believe that the drawbacks
outweighs
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outweigh
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 the merits,
however
Linking Words
, I think there are more benefits.
The better
Correct article usage
Better
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educational
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education
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 and job opportunities are two main reasons which urge young
people
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 to move. First of all, in many countries universities are located only in the big
cities
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,
thus
Linking Words
, after finishing high
schools
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school
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people
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 who want to get
degree
Correct article usage
a degree
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 have to leave their
home towns
Correct your spelling
hometowns
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. The second reason is the diverse job market in the
cities
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therefore
Linking Words
 it is much easier for professionals to find a job in the urban area compared to rural. On the one hand, young
people
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 and the country
beneficial
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benefit
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 in many ways.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the increasing number of graduates ultimately
rises
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raises
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 the level of
society
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society's
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 education.
For instance
Linking Words
, the country
gain
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gains
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 more
professional
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professionals
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 so the companies do not have to hire
foreigner
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foreign
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 workers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, living in the city allows young
people
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 to earn more money
thus
Linking Words
, they can afford more and improve their life quality.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some downsides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 migration. One of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 is the decreasing number of
people
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 living in rural areas,
therefore
Linking Words
 disappearing crucial professions
such
Linking Words
 as farming. In conclusion, a large number of young humans decide to leave their homes and move to the
cities
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 for reasons related to their education and careers.
Although
Linking Words
 there are disadvantages, the merits that affect both society and individuals outweigh the downsides.

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task achievement
Clarify your thesis statement by explicitly stating the advantages and disadvantages to give readers a clearer direction.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more linking words to enhance the flow between your points, particularly when transitioning from one idea to another.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing benefits and drawbacks, to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies key reasons for migration, particularly focusing on education and job opportunities, which is relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction sets the stage for the discussion effectively, offering a balanced view of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Urbanization
  • Educational institutions
  • Job prospects
  • Wages
  • Economic growth
  • Cultural exchange
  • Overpopulation
  • Cost of living
  • Rural depopulation
  • Social isolation
  • Traditional values
  • Personal growth
  • Recreational activities
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