IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do you think the disadvantages of private-health care outweigh the advantages?

#people #health #service #companies #private-health #care
The United States, while being portrayed as the greatest country on earth, faces
one
 constant criticism, and
that is
 their
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
system
. In most developed nations, where the accepted view is that medical
care
 should be accessible
for
Suggestion
to
 all citizens, it is unthinkable that anyone should have to pay for non-elective medical services. While some in the USA claim there are benefits to privatised
healthcare
, I believe that they are far outweighed by the associated disadvantages. While I do not support the notion of privatised
healthcare
, there is
one
 benefit which I have noticed. It seems far easier to
access
 non-essential medical services in the United States than it is Canada, which has a public
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
system
.
For example
, when
one
 of my Canadian friends injured their knee and required minor surgery, he was put on a six month waiting list.
However
, he was able to have that same procedure scheduled and delivered within a week in a Chicago clinic. He did,
however
, have to pay several thousand dollars for the procedure, but it allowed him to return to the football field much faster. There are many other supposed benefits,
such
 as attracting the world's best doctors, and spurring medical innovation.
However
, I do not necessarily know if
that is
 true, as I have seen little evidence to support those claims. It would seem to me that all the private health
system
 can only offer is speed and
access
, if you have the money to pay for it. Aside from
one
 benefit, In my view, it has many issues. The main issue with private
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 is how it limits
access
 to medical
care
, which is extremely problematic if
one
 considers it a basic human right. A private
system
 creates price barriers which limit
access
 to medical services for those who may need it most,
such
 as elderly people on a fixed income. People should not have to take on extreme levels of debt to finance life-saving medical procedures.
However
, when desperate, people will pay anything to return to health, and the cost of a life saving procedure may end up ultimately ruining a person's life. I do not think anyone would want to live in a society where medical
care
 is reserved for the most affluent.
Additionally
, I believe that private
healthcare
 can decrease the health and productivity of a society. In a privatised
system
, people rarely visit
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 professionals for scheduled services,
instead
 they only seek
care
 when emergencies arise.
Although
 a crude comparison, I think the human body is similar to an automobile. If regularly serviced and maintained, the car should work efficiently and unexpected breakdowns are unlikely.
However
, if I were to disregard the maintenance schedule, a serious, and costly,
breakdown
Suggestion
the breakdown
a breakdown
 would eventually occur. A private
healthcare
system
disincentivises
a negative motivational influence
disincentives
 regular medical interventions, due to the high cost of doing so, and contributes to a less healthy and by extension less productive populace. While the debate on whether to privatise medical
care
 in Australia comes up frequently, I think that the urge to do so must be resisted. In my opinion, the scant benefits private
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 may bring about, mainly
speed
Suggestion
the speed
 of
access
 for non-essential services, are far outweighed by the harm these
sytems
instrumentality that combines interrelated interacting artifacts designed to work as a coherent entity
systems
 inflict on society, by reserving medical well being for those who can afford it, as evidenced by the American experience.
Submitted by marcin.malek on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: