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Writing Samples
Band 5

Scientists predict that cars will be driven by computers, not people in the near future. Why? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In these
Change preposition
These
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 days,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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driverless vehicles will gain popularity and eclipse humans in the foreseeable future, as scientifically assumed. From my perspective, I entirely contend
this
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 phenomenon is triggered by a whole host of reasons and the merits will be overweight by demerits. There are a variety of compelling reasons why automobiles, which are programmed to navigate without human intervention will soon become the norm.
Firstly
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, there has been an explosion in the IT revolution which gave rise to a great deal of self-driving
cars
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, especially in developed nations.
This
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 might be explained by the fact that many deep-pocketed companies are pouring budgets into robotics technology. What is more, fierce competition among automakers plays a vitally important role in realizing the vision of auto-driving
cars
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. On the one hand,
this
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 trend exerts some detrimental implications
to
Change preposition
on
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 human lives as a whole. The first one is that an increase in the demand for using automotive
cars
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 is inevitable as there are more people, who can afford to own these vehicles,
are
Correct word choice
and are
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 likely to depend on apps too much.
Thus
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, in unchecked situations, they are unable to promptly handle, which can put them in jeopardy.
Further
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, conventional
cars
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 are altered, which
threatening
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threatens
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 the need for human labour.
As a result
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, workers may be more likely to become unemployed and the level of unemployment in
this
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 country might increase significantly.
On the other hand
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, there are,
nonetheless
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, some dazzling advantages that can easily overshadow the disadvantages of
this
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 trend.
Firstly
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, computer-controlled transportation operated with a high degree of precision which can greatly minimize average commuter times
especially
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, especially
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 in metropolitan areas.
For instance
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,
this
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 tendency enables them to spend time digging deep into their interests.
Further
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 and even more importantly, individuals find it easier to have no
obstacle
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obstacles
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 in terms of physical problems
as well as
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 age
restriction
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restrictions
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. One particularly salient example of
this
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 is the physically challenged people or the elderly. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that the growing level of driven by artificial intelligence is irrefutable in the modern era soon enough. Autopilot modes are by no means flawless,
hence
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, authorities and multinational corporations should join hands to remedy the thorny matters which unresolved.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion early on.
coherence cohesion
Try to use transition words for better flow, like 'firstly', 'however', and 'finally'.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points, like statistics or studies on self-driving cars.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and discusses both sides.
task achievement
Main ideas are mostly relevant to the topic and show some critical thinking.
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