IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the government should support the funds for the arts, while some other people suggest that the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people deem that taxpayers’ money should be allocated for artistic values, whilst those who contend that
subsidizing
Use the right word
subsidising
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fund's
Correct article usage
the fund's
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 authorities for healthcare services and school systems is vitally paramount. From my perspective, government expenditures should be given
the
Correct article usage
apply
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top priority in medical and
education
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, the arts offer essential merits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society in terms of cultural and economic development.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
art works
Use the right word
artworks
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 reflect traditional values and cultural identity is found in paintings, songs, and dances that represent a culture’s shared beliefs, religion or politics.
Thus
Linking Words
, by
appealing
Verb problem
attracting
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 an overwhelming number of local and international tourists year after year, public museums or art galleries established in the metropolis have contributed to the state budget.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the arts have functions that enable each nation to boost fresh industries
such
Linking Words
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
graphic design or
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fashion design, which could open a myriad of jobs to each person.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are compelling reasons why governments should take investments
for
Change preposition
apply
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in healthcare facilities and
education
Use synonyms
 into consideration. With regard to health, hospitals nowadays tend to need multiple facilities
such
Linking Words
 as ambulances, hospital beds,
breathing
Correct word choice
and breathing
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 machines in response to various types of fatal diseases and other epidemics. One particularly salient example of
this
Linking Words
 is an outbreak of a novel coronavirus in Wuhan, China
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 2019.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, money can be used for detecting and researching medical inventions.
Thus
Linking Words
, by delivering them to faraway places, these countries are capable of obtaining competitive turnovers. As regards
education
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, authorities should finance in building
more
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of more
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 institutions in remote and underprivileged areas so that numerous students can have formal
education
Use synonyms
. Doing so increases the economic potential of the future workforce, which may enhance tax revenue in the long term and even attract more foreign direct investments. In conclusion, we cannot deny that both views are advantageous.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, I am of the opinion that it is more practical to
subsidize
Use the right word
subsidise
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
medical systems and school institutes than art projects, particularly in third-world countries with a limited budget.

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task response
The essay shows both sides and gives a view. Some ideas stay weak and need more detail.
task response
Add one or two clear examples for each main idea and say how they help the point.
grammar
Some sentences are long and hard. Break them into shorter lines and use simple words.
coherence
Use easy link words to show contrast and order, so the text reads smooth.
lexical
Fix odd phrases like 'fund's authorities' and 'subsidize for medical systems' to common form, and keep wording simple.
content
The writer states a clear view at the end.
structure
Two sides are given with a plan in each part.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • public health
  • education system
  • economic benefits
  • job creation
  • tourism
  • local economies
  • quality of life
  • essential services
  • community engagement
  • mental health
  • social cohesion
  • public funding
  • balanced budget
  • investment in arts
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