IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more people want to buy famous brands of clothes, car and other items. Why is this trend? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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In recent years, more
people
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incline
Wrong verb form
inclined
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 to buy
products
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 coming from famous labels.
This
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 tendency can be associated with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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customer assumptions about the high
quality
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 of top
brands
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 and the ongoing trend among their peers. From my perspective, I believe that there are more negative impacts than positive ones. There are several reasons
as to
Change preposition
apply
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why popular brand names often attract a large number of customers, one of which is
from
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apply
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 reputation for high-
quality
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 merchandise. Generally, manufacturers of well-known
brands
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 predominantly aim their
products
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 at affluent shoppers who often set high requirements for the
quality
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 of
products
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.
As a result
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, to meet the demands of their potential customers, items produced by famous
brands
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 are of outstanding
quality
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 and reliability, which unintentionally
draw
Correct subject-verb agreement
draws
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 more attention from buyers.
Also
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, there is a common trend among
people
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 to purchase items from famous franchises as a means of showing off their prosperity.
This
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 increasing matter is because these
products
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 are so prohibitively expensive that
people
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 without a lucrative career find it quite challenging to own one. In my opinion, the dominance of famous
brands
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 is highly detrimental as it obliterates healthy competition between companies.
For example
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, the smartphone market is now under the control of the two biggest moguls Apple and Samsung, leaving other small companies and start-ups unable to sell their
products
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 on a large scale. Gradually,
this
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 monopoly will hinder innovations when the decision about future trends could be
on
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in
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 the hands of one or two large corporations.
Besides
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, by continuing to support famous
brands
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, we are giving them too much power that can even pose a serious threat to the control of the government. In conclusion,
people
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 are indeed becoming more interested in buying items with a well-known name because of the
quality
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 of
products
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 and the feeling of fitting in. My opinion is that
this
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 trend is negative for small companies and society as a whole.

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content
You've done a good job in analysing the topic and presenting your viewpoint. However, there are some sentences that could have been clearer or notes of a more specific example in your body paragraphs. For instance, 'we are giving them too much power that can even pose a serious threat to the control of the government.' could benefit from a more specific example. Be careful about making broad statements without backing up with concrete examples.
language
Good use of cohesive devices and variety of complex structures but pay attention to articles usage such as in 'the decision about future trends could be on the hands of one or two large corporations.' Correct usage should be 'in the hands'.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumerism
  • Brand loyalty
  • Investment
  • Aspiration
  • Trendsetter
  • Affluent
  • Mimicry
  • Conformity
  • Identity
  • Self-esteem
  • Status
  • Perception
  • Advertise
  • Promote
  • Influence
  • Peer pressure
  • Societal expectations
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