IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

More and more people want to buy famous brands of clothes, car and other items. Why is this trend? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #brands #clothes #car #items #trend #development
In recent years, more
people
incline
Wrong verb form
inclined
show examples
 to buy
products
 coming from famous labels.
This
 tendency can be associated with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
customer assumptions about the high
quality
 of top
brands
 and the ongoing trend among their peers. From my perspective, I believe that there are more negative impacts than positive ones. There are several reasons
as to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why popular brand names often attract a large number of customers, one of which is
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 reputation for high-
quality
 merchandise. Generally, manufacturers of well-known
brands
 predominantly aim their
products
 at affluent shoppers who often set high requirements for the
quality
 of
products
.
As a result
, to meet the demands of their potential customers, items produced by famous
brands
 are of outstanding
quality
 and reliability, which unintentionally
draw
Correct subject-verb agreement
draws
show examples
 more attention from buyers.
Also
, there is a common trend among
people
 to purchase items from famous franchises as a means of showing off their prosperity.
This
 increasing matter is because these
products
 are so prohibitively expensive that
people
 without a lucrative career find it quite challenging to own one. In my opinion, the dominance of famous
brands
 is highly detrimental as it obliterates healthy competition between companies.
For example
, the smartphone market is now under the control of the two biggest moguls Apple and Samsung, leaving other small companies and start-ups unable to sell their
products
 on a large scale. Gradually,
this
 monopoly will hinder innovations when the decision about future trends could be
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the hands of one or two large corporations.
Besides
, by continuing to support famous
brands
, we are giving them too much power that can even pose a serious threat to the control of the government. In conclusion,
people
 are indeed becoming more interested in buying items with a well-known name because of the
quality
 of
products
 and the feeling of fitting in. My opinion is that
this
 trend is negative for small companies and society as a whole.
Submitted by Andy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
You've done a good job in analysing the topic and presenting your viewpoint. However, there are some sentences that could have been clearer or notes of a more specific example in your body paragraphs. For instance, 'we are giving them too much power that can even pose a serious threat to the control of the government.' could benefit from a more specific example. Be careful about making broad statements without backing up with concrete examples.
language
Good use of cohesive devices and variety of complex structures but pay attention to articles usage such as in 'the decision about future trends could be on the hands of one or two large corporations.' Correct usage should be 'in the hands'.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumerism
  • Brand loyalty
  • Investment
  • Aspiration
  • Trendsetter
  • Affluent
  • Mimicry
  • Conformity
  • Identity
  • Self-esteem
  • Status
  • Perception
  • Advertise
  • Promote
  • Influence
  • Peer pressure
  • Societal expectations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: