IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think it affects the whole family?

#majority #children #grandparents #fact #parents
With the increase in the career- oriented lifestyle, children are brought up by their grandparents. I believe that
this
 arrangement has more negative effects than positive ones and some major points will be addressed in the following paragraphs.
First
 of all, it is a well- known fact that in a traditional extended
families
Suggestion
family
, the financial burden
fall
Suggestion
falls
 on the shoulder of parents. So that taking care of children lead a helping hand in
allow
Suggestion
allowing
 parents to focus on their work without worrying about the safe of their kid. The most obvious example is that with the increase in the social evils, parent’s greatest concern is the safety of their children.
As a result
, asking asking grandparents to take care of their children is a wise choice. The
second
 reason being parents
also need
Suggestion
also needs
 time to rest and relax themselves. But they could not do that without the help of the grandparents. A hectic schedule can
results
Suggestion
result
 in some dire consequences of conflicts in the
family which
Accept comma addition
family, which
 exerts
negative impact
Suggestion
a negative impact
 on teenagers and the whole family.
However
, today ‘s parents are far more engrossed in earning money
,
Accept space
,
 which creates a huge gap in the relationship between children and parents. So that parent should strengthen
family
Suggestion
families
the family
 In conclusion, it is unavoidable in many cases that both parents need to contribute to earning to support the family. Raising children by grandparents is a welcomed trend and that will strengthen the family relationship.
bonds
Suggestion
Bonds
.
Submitted by Andy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: