IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think nations and individuals should focus on their own personal problems rather than global ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Man is a social animal. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think global
issues
Use synonyms
 should be neglected by human beings and they should focus on their own
problems
Use synonyms
. My perspective is
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 view. I will explain my reasons with supportive facts that, why one should pay attention to global
issues
Use synonyms
 as well.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 tech-savvy world,
problems
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as; crime rate, cybercrime and pollution are the major
issues
Use synonyms
 faced by every nation around the world. These
issues
Use synonyms
 are related to individuals
as well as
Linking Words
 to the nations because individuals are part of society. So, if
people
Use synonyms
 will ignore these
problems
Use synonyms
, when these are happening around them, someday they will suffer the same complications in their personal life.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Asian countries
such
Linking Words
 as India and Pakistan, rape cases are increasing every day, if
people
Use synonyms
 will ignore these crimes, who knows they will become victims of these
issues
Use synonyms
. So, global
issues
Use synonyms
 cannot be ignored at any cost.
Secondly
Linking Words
, as
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
patriot
Replace the word
patriotic
show examples
 citizen of the nation, it is the duty of every individual to take global
issues
Use synonyms
 personally, so that collaboratively we can uproot them from society.
For example
Linking Words
, air pollution is another major global issue. If the citizens of nations
will
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not take it seriously,
then
Linking Words
 one day the whole world will suffer from respiratory diseases.
This
Linking Words
 way, as
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
good citizens, it is our duty to take
Correct article usage
the initiatives
show examples
initiatives
Fix the agreement mistake
initiative
show examples
 to prevent global
problems
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the perspective of some
people
Use synonyms
 to focus on
individuals'
Fix the agreement mistake
individual'
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
 rather than global
issues
Use synonyms
 is contrary to my views because
issues
Use synonyms
 of society cannot be ignored if a person wants to solve his personal
issues
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Make your thesis statement clearer at the end of the introduction for stronger guidance on your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance coherence. Consider using more linking phrases or words.
task achievement
The essay discusses a relevant topic with supportive facts and examples.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph presents a main idea that addresses global issues, demonstrating understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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