IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

#college #students #schools #home #parents
Nowadays, education is developed a lot to follow the recent lifestyle. Some citizens prefer to live in
academy
Correct article usage
an academy
show examples
instead
 of living at
home
 with their
parents
. In my opinion, I support the idea that living in school has more advantages than living in their own
home
. First of all, the thing that
parents
 always worry
when
Change preposition
about when
show examples
 their
children
 enter the campus of college independently.
Therefore
 living in the hostel
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
campus of schools
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
students
 opportunities to learn everything, from cooking meals to
control
Wrong verb form
controlling
show examples
 their budget. Some do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time jobs to pay the institute’s
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 bills of renting a house to give a hand
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
parents
.
For example
, the
students
 earn money and
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
 some day by day, the value will increase. They can buy more books to improve their studying or leisure things to relax.
Secondly
, living in school helps their trainee about the distance when they go to university.
Instead
 of a long way from
home
 to the campus of colleges or universities, the
students
 can walk
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 few steps to the canteen and
then
 go straight to the classroom.
Moreover
, it is beneficial to save
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money for buses, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gasoline when they go by cars or motorbikes.
For instance
, the
students’
Correct your spelling
student’s
show examples
home
 is really far from the hall, they have to go there two and a half
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 before class, sometimes, because of traffic jams or the matter with vehicles, they will be late. In conclusion, it is better for every student, not only college
students
 to live in
institution
Add an article
an institution
the institution
show examples
 than live at
home
.
However
, nowadays many recruits keen on living with their
parents
 to depend on them, feel
lazy
Rephrase
too lazy
show examples
 to try in the world,
especially rich-kid
Correct word choice
rich
show examples
. It is the result of giving the
children
 everything they want.
That is
 a trouble of social to make the
parents
 realize
how
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 they are teaching their
children
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way or not. The best solution is
let
Fix the infinitive
to let
show examples
children
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 at school, and will see changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 college apprentices.
Submitted by Andy on

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task response
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coherence cohesion
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