Some people consider that school education should be concentrated on academic subjects, which would be helpful for their future careers, and subjects like music and sport are not useful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #school #education #subjects #future #careers #music #sport

Some people say those non-academic subjects

such

as art,

music

and PE, seem vain to students’

future

occupations and they should be removed from the school syllabus to maximize students’ studying time.

However

, I would argue that these seem-to-be-dispensable subjects are of paramount importance because they could be beneficial for both students’

health

and their

future

career path. A balance between studying and relaxation can be obtained through non-academic subjects, which preserves students’

health

. The high school students’ pressure is enormous since they are beset with tons of homework, suffer peer pressure and experience parental expectation. Numerous research studies have proven that

music

as well as body movements can lessen the pressure to a moderate level and produce more dopamine - the element that makes students happier. More importantly, the exercises involved in PE lessons can build students’ muscles, burn their calories and enhance their immune systems. Without these subjects, students are completely deprived of leisure time, which would be catastrophic for their psychological and physical

health

Moreover

, subjects,

such

music

and PE can

also

lead to students’

future

success. Many occupations relating to non-academic subjects offer a high degree of prestige and considerable income.

For instance

, a showbiz person can earn millions for a single presentation and a world-famous athlete receives pretty much a penny for being a spokesman. The prerequisites for these occupations are massive practice and accumulated experiences that had better be nurtured from a young age. Once those subjects are removed, few students can earn a living with the above occupations. These subjects should not be ignored to secure students’ futures, and, in fact,

music

and art can diversify their

future

career paths. To sum up, non-academic subjects are crucial for students' physical and psychological

health

. Simultaneously, these subjects can be a gateway to students’ success.

As a result

, I would argue that these subjects should never be removed from the school’s curriculum.

Submitted by Cen.yr on Sun Aug 23 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

318 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

holistic education
soft skills
teamwork
discipline
time management
leadership
mental well-being
physical health
academic performance
creativity
innovative thinking
STEM fields
career opportunities
entertainment industry
sports industry
life balance
academic stress
burnout

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Some people consider that school education should be concentrated on academic subjects, which would be helpful for their future careers, and subjects like music and sport are not useful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that the government should invest in trains and subway system to prevent traffic congestion in large cities. Others, however, think it should build wider roads. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadayys, a growing number of people with heatlh problems are trying an alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some peple think that cities are the best place to live. Others prefer to live in the countryside. Discuss both views and guve your own opinions.

Nowdays, many people have to work long time, and they feel more stressful than before. What are the reasons? What employers can do to make their life easier?