Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Animal annihilation is an alarming issue the world over.
While
some support the idea that all the
animals
in the wild have the right to live, others believe that species close to extinction are the ones who need protection. In
this
essay, I will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views,
while
strongly supporting the view that entire wildlife needs preservation.
Firstly
, over centuries human activity like industrialisation and deforestation has accelerated
animal
Correct article usage
the animal
show examples
populace to decrease.
While
earlier, there was no awareness which caused various living beasts to disappear from the planet, now governments have been alarmed and allocated funds for animal conservation.
Furthermore
,
animals
that are close to
extinctions
Fix the agreement mistake
extinction
show examples
are carefully nurtured in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoos and big budgets are spent on their upkeep and breeding. A good example of
this
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is how China made efforts to conserve the giant panda populace and got them off the extinction list.
However
, we cannot let the other
animals
die just because it's impossible to keep each one of them under watch.
Moreover
, since each and every
specie
Fix the agreement mistake
species
show examples
is equally important to maintain the balance of the ecosystem they need protection.
This
can be achieved
taking
Change preposition
by taking
show examples
care of their natural habitat. Governments around the world need to make strict laws against deforestation, which in turn protect all the wild creatures without much effort.
For example
, in India,
The forest
Correct your spelling
the Forest
show examples
Conservation Act was the biggest movement which saved the tigers in the wild and took them off the extinction list. To summarise, I would like to reiterate that
while
something that protecting just a certain number of
animals
is enough I do not agree with the statement.
In addition
, I would like to add that rather equal effort
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
to be put
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
saving the entire animal kingdom.
Submitted by Suneela Phatak on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses both views and provides some relevant examples. However, the introduction could be more engaging. The conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points and could be improved.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally good, but there are areas where the ideas could be more logically connected. Some sentences and paragraphs lack coherence and cohesion, which affects the overall clarity and organization of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • conservation status
  • ecological significance
  • holistic approach
  • endangered species
  • natural heritage
  • unforeseen negative impacts
  • economically non-viable
  • prioritization
  • ecosystem balance
  • conservation efforts
What to do next:
Look at other essays: