IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some education systems make students focus on certain subjects at the age of 15, while others require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of each system? Which is better?

#education #systems #students #focus #subjects #age #study #range #school #system
Many students are made to attend certain classes when they are 15 years of age, while others are required to learn various subjects before leaving school.
Although
 an education system with a broad range of subjects can provide diverse
knowledge
, that with a narrower range is better as learners have more
time
 for other activities desired. Those supporting the former education system may claim that students can access a wider range of
knowledge
 that they may need in their later life. Having a chance to attend many classes, students are taught numerous lessons related to various fields, many of which can be of great help when they grow up.
For instance
, in Vietnam, students aiming at engineering courses in
university
Suggestion
the university
 are only required to have good grades in Maths and Physics.
However
, the
knowledge
 they have acquired in non-major classes like English or Computer Science can offer them a competitive edge when they apply for a job in a multinational company, compared to those who are not familiar with foreign languages or computers.
On the other hand
, students who
study
 only a few subjects have more
time
 for other purposes than those studying so
many
Suggestion
much
. With fewer subjects to learn, they have extra
time
 either for stress relievers
such
 as playing some sport or taking a rest or for
further
 research related to their chosen subjects. The former activity helps students relieve pressure at school and recharge their energy, whereas the latter is a good way of reviewing the lesson taught in class. Scientifically, these activities increase their
study
 efficiency and academic performance, so
such
 an education system is much better than that forcing students to learn various subjects. In conclusion,
although
 the
knowledge
 learnt in various classes is potentially helpful, I believe that a
study
 program with not so many classes is more beneficial to students who can have more
time
 for deeper
study
 or relaxation.
Submitted by Andy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: