IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Most people believe money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get a better lifestyle; however, there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy and that this, and not money, will lead to greater happiness and a more balanced personal life. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #money #consideration #job #lifestyle #happiness #life
Some people
work
 for
money
; others
work
 for personal fulfilment. So, which is
the better
Suggestion
the best
reason to
Suggestion
reason to work with
work
? Plethora of masses opine that in order to live a better lifestyle,
money
 is
imperayive
requiring attention or action
imperative
whike
a period of indeterminate length (usually short) marked by some action or condition
while
 selecting a
job
,
on the other
hand some
Accept comma addition
hand, some
 handful of people believe that one should maintain the
work
-
life
 balance
bt
introduces something in contrast or unexpected
but
by
 not running behind the high- scale jobs. I will discuss both the views, along with my perception which is in the favour of
later
Suggestion
the later
 group. To commence with people having a sustainable
job
 which provides them good income can enhance their living standards. As people with better salaries can afford luxuries and can enjoy all the comforts of luxurious
life
, without facing any
fincial
involving financial matters
financial
 problems.
Moreover
, these all things lead to
well
Suggestion
good
lifecof
themselvescand
 their family.
Secondly
, if a person earns a
hansone
pleasing in appearance especially by reason of conformity to ideals of form and proportion
handsome
salary
Accept comma addition
salary, then
then
 one can gain social
respectvin
 the society. To illustrate,
itvis
 observed that doctors have a very
hectaic
marked by intense agitation or emotion
hectic
 schedule
,
Accept space
,
 by working day and night
,
Accept space
,
 but they are paid with
handsome salary
Suggestion
a handsome salary
,
Accept space
,
 that balances out their mundane and predictable
life
.
Thus
,
money
 is a big factor while choosing a
job
.
On the other hand
,
Accept space
,
sone
quantifier; used with either mass nouns or plural count nouns to indicate an unspecified number or quantity
some
 folks reckon that if one is satisfied with the
job
,
Accept space
,
 albeit with low salaries,
then
 individuals can enjoy their
life
 as well as contribute
positevely
extremely
positively
 to the society. They can live a stress- free
life
 and can spend quality time with their families. What is more
,
Accept space
,
job
 contentment can
results
Suggestion
result
 in better results at
workplacecas
a place where work is done
workplaces
 person can do it with more dedication. After pondering over the topic, I assert that
although
money
 is the most important reason to
work
, after a certain period of time it starts loosing its importance. At that time every person needs a
job
 which can make
life
easiervas
work done by one person or group that benefits another
service
 they get fed up from the jobs which involves long working hours.
Submitted by sabby2412 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: