IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that schools are merely turning children into good citizens and workers, rather than benefiting them as individuals.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #schools #children #citizens #workers #individuals
Nowadays, education is the most important aspect of our life.
school
 is
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a
good option for
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a
the
student to have a bright future.
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apply
Student
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The student
A student
 has an alternative way of choosing the learning platform.
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apply
Most of
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the
people believe that
school
 is the best way for teaching
student
 to be good workers and citizens,
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apply
rather than
others
Replace the word
other
 advantages.
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apply
Personally, I strongly disagree with
this
 statement. Begin with, the
first
 reason why there are other advantages for studying at institute
instead
 of teaching junior to be a good citizen.
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apply
This is because in
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the
academy there are many subjects for
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a
the
graduate to choose. What kind of
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apply
subject that they interested in
such
 as
complusary
Correct your spelling
compulsory
 subject or art.
Moreover
, it can lead
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the
student to know themself rather than being
study
 conditional that they can not do very well.
In addition
, when
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a
student noticed that they can do it smoothly
then
 they will boost themself to be a genius person on that field.
For instance
, in my institution had a chance for me to select
Correct your spelling
alternative
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the
althernative subject so I chose to
study
 Chinese.
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apply
After that
Add a comma
,
 I very enjoy and energetic every time that I studied.
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apply
Then I usually prepare and practice it all my free time.
Furthermore
,
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apply
The
second
 reason is
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a
the
student will learn how to make
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a
friend to others and create a good relationship.
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apply
Moreover,
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a
the
student shares their opinion that cause
student
 will know each other behaviour
.
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apply
For example
, my sister used to
study
 homeschool, she did not have any friend. So my mom decided to move her to
study
 at
school
 that cause she had a good personality and be a social person. In conclusion,
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the
a
school can provide
study
 in every section of education.
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apply
It depends on
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the
student what they want to be.
Submitted by tweetyjahjahjah on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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