IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some young people are leaving the countrside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

#people #countrside #cities #towns #countryside #situation
With
Add an article
the
advancement in technology, people are becoming more volatile in order to live in different places than their hometowns.
This
 globalisation phase made the youngsters leave the elderly behind. The issue with
this
 change making it difficult for senior people to do all the work by themselves, which is affecting their health. In order to get rid of
this
 mess,
Add an article
the
government should start some investment scheme, which can encourage the multi-national companies to invest in the rural side as it can open
Add an article
the
door for the adults to stay in their hometowns. It is quite hard for older people to take care of themselves after a certain age, especially when the availability of resources in the countryside is
also
 quite limited.
For example
, when a family has only one son, who will go away from them to leave in cosmopolitan areas,
then
 surviving on their own for his parent will be challenging. Usually
Add a comma
,
 people from suburb area, need to travel more to get all necessity at their doorsteps and with age, travelling to different place
also
 gets harder, that will definitely affect their health. Young people are moving to the urban area in order to get
Add an article
a
better lifestyle which is not possible in countryside areas because of the fewer opportunities. To illustrate,
Add an article
the
law can charge fewer taxes in those areas to attract more business opportunities. With the government initiation of giving rebate with the new investment in
Correct your spelling
countryside
Add an article
the
country
Add a comma
,
 side areas will increase the scope for the adult to stay with their family only. To sum up, senior people face issues with the children moving to the other areas,
however
Add a comma
,
 it can be resolved if authority starts participated in developing the countryside areas.
Submitted by softykanda on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: