IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #world #money #illnesses #diseases #health #education #prevention
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people believe that authorities spend not enough
money
Use synonyms
 on
health
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 and prevention while they invest it in treating illnesses. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view, and my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs. Nowadays, we can see that the government spends more and more
money
Use synonyms
 for fighting with a disease. Of course, they have to do it because we have no technology to solve medical problems which already exist.
For example
Linking Words
, if somebody broke his leg we need to care about him and put all effort into
this
Linking Words
 problem, in
this
Linking Words
 situation we can not really help him with
health
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
. Bay the way, invest
money
Use synonyms
 into medicine is really important for the government, the more we invest the bigger result we can reach. On another hand, we can see that with
health
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 we can decrease the
number
Use synonyms
 of ill people. As we can see, in the coronavirus example in Hungary, it definitely works. When the
number
Use synonyms
 of cases started to grow, the local authority started to teach people how to live and do not get infected by the virus.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the put loots of advertisement around the city with information about how to wash hands, have a distance and all other stuff.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they add the sanitizers everywhere and
finally
Linking Words
, they prohibited to use public transport without a mask.
As a result
Linking Words
, we can see that
number
Use synonyms
 of coronavirus cases is getting less and less in Hungary. To repeat it short, in real-life we can see that both of our subjects,
health
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 and treating the illnesses, are important. From my point of view, we do not have to spend less
money
Use synonyms
 to treat diseases, but if we increase investment in
health
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 we may decrease the
number
Use synonyms
 of patients in the hospitals.
Submitted by Irina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: