In some culture, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message

It is often argued that in some countries, parents tell their children that they can achieve whatever they want if they push themselves hard enough. From my perspective, the benefits of the issue far outweigh the drawbacks since children can learn and grow from their experiences.
To begin
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with, I accept that children may feel frustrated when they fail to achieve their
goals
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.
This
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is mainly because they have focused on their future dreams made by others since they were young.
In other words
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, they do not have another choice other than their dream. So, it can lead to making a bad decision.
For example
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, a large number of South Korean students are often forced to enrol in medical universities or highly famous universities, even if going to these universities is not the only answer in their lives. Once they get low grades in their university entrance exam, some of them decide to commit suicide .
On the other hand
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, I am convinced that giving young people clear
goals
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is beneficial. Because they can learn from
failures
Correct article usage
the failures
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they make when they try to achieve their
goals
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, which can enable them to become successful in their lives.
Furthermore
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, they can be taught how to overcome and how to compete with others in healthy ways.
For example
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, people aged under 18 years old often learn from martial arts competitions. Whether they lose or win in competitions, they can deal with their emotions.
Also
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, young people are able to overcome when they face hardship. As they overcome other hardships when they are little.
This
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is a kind of vaccination for them from their childhood. In conclusion, the benefits of the issue far outweigh the disadvantages of the issue because of building clear
goals
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, learning from failures and learning how to overcome obstacles.

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task response
Make the goal clear. In the start, say what you will do and keep a balance of both sides.
coherence
Give deeper ideas for each point. Use more proof or example and link to the main idea.
language
Use calm, simple words. Fix spellings and grammar to be easy to read.
coherence
Make links from one idea to the next using more joining words.
structure
Finish with a short and clear ending that sums up your view.
structure
The essay shows a clear view and has a conclusion.
content
It uses examples to support the point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persistence
  • resilience
  • self-esteem
  • confidence
  • motivation
  • disappointment
  • frustration
  • unrealistic expectations
  • talent
  • opportunity
  • socio-economic conditions
  • success
  • failure
  • learning process
  • valuable lessons
  • pressure
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • fear of failure
  • mental health
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