IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extent do you agree?

#government #budget #arts #money #education
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is undeniable fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 art in
may
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 ways represents the mirror of the society and has great cultural significance.
However
Linking Words
, few humankind holds a perspective that
r
Add an article
the
show examples
uling party should redirect funding allotment from art project development to educational enhancement. I personally do not agree with
this
Linking Words
 argument, I hold an opinion about treating both equally as each has unique importance for the nation. The proponents of a strong educational system over craft, mostly point out that well-educated citizens are the core behind the development and bring myriads of benefits for
c
Add an article
the
a
show examples
ountry’s growth. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 majority of citizen holds value and money convertible skills, they can earn more and pay more taxes back to the government
such
Linking Words
 that, the return of allocation of budget in educating people is higher.
For example
Linking Words
, the main driver behind
i
Add an article
the
show examples
ndustrial revolution in
1
Add an article
the
show examples
800’s, was because of educational reforms which were started by the French government, which later resulted in lower the poverty rate all over the globe. On the other end of the spectrum, I support the argument that every country becomes whole when they support fine arts abreast to education. It is a world-known fact that looking at various creative work reduces stress and creating
such
Linking Words
 gives pleasure to the creator.
In addition
Linking Words
, people who are
p
Add an article
a
show examples
assionate and ardent fan of creative skill, are always problem solvent, imaginative and confident.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a culture which is rich in history and arts, always attract more tourist which eventually boost the economy. To sum up, even though education is a cornerstone for the development of society, it is imperative to preserve and grow the art of a region.
Hence
Linking Words
, the ruling party should equally proportion the budget for national arts and educational system enhancement.
Submitted by Nirbhay on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: