IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

We live in a world of technology these days. The internet brings with it clear advantages and disadvantages. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

#world #technology #internet
In recent times ,the merits of
technology
 are frequently discussed in popular media.I believe it to be extremely harmful,not only because of its hazardous effects on the body
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
 because of wastage of time .
However
,many might think
otherwise
.
This
 essay will explore how these mega disadvantages have the potential to outshine any merit. There are multiple disadvantages to
this
 advancement.
Firstly
,a major drawback associated with
this
 evolution is the adverse effects of
this
technology
 on the human body.All latest gadgets utilize the ultraviolet rays for their functioning which can result in bad effects on the human mind and body.Take an example of Sweden,where a rapid surge in mental disorders was noted after the use of smartphones.
Thus
,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
tatest
Correct your spelling
latest
technology
 can be disastrous for humans.
Secondly
,another major demerit linked with
this
 development is the waste of precious time.Youngsters get involved in the usage of latest gadgets and spend prolonged hours in using those which cause a negative effect on their academic performance.
For instance
,recent research in Brazil showed poor academic performances of students having the internet as opposed to those who focussed on their studies.
Hence
,the internet can harm academics.
However
,the only minor advantage that I can relate to
this
 evolution is better communication because of
this
technology
.But
this
 problem is completely overshadowed by the drawbacks of the internet. To sum up ,I believe that the disadvantages of
this
 advancement in terms of adverse effects on health and studies have the potential to outweigh any advantage.
Submitted by aadidoc508 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: