IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People aim to achieve a balance between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. what are the causes of this problem? How to overcome it?

There is no doubt that a majority of the people have been workaholic by the work culture of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
modern society.The argument goes with that very few people are capable of maintaining a balance between their profession and personal life and a lot of the working professionals are finding it difficult to achieve the balance.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses two of the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 issue and the ways to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 problem. One of
the
Change the article
an
show examples
 integral
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of individual being working hard is the largest priority given for the career progression and job prospects.
This
Linking Words
 is due to the effect of
p
Add an article
the
show examples
romotion cycle which the
under performer
Correct your spelling
underperformer
show examples
 have to prove his ability and achieve the
next
Linking Words
 higher position.
For instance
Linking Words
,a
japanese
Change the capitalization
Japanese
show examples
 magazine
release
Change the verb form
releases
show examples
 an article that
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
w
Add an article
the
show examples
orkforce are rewarded by their long working hours by stretching during the night time.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,the employers are pushing employees to finish the target before the deadlines to increase
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
productivity.
Consequently
Linking Words
,the force from upper
mangement
Correct your spelling
management
 directly replicated to the
low level
Add a hyphen
low-level
show examples
 associates to work even on
weeknds
Correct your spelling
weekends
 to hit the target. The most crucial solution to ameliorate the stress in the working environment and to achieve work-life balance is by providing various employee-friendly facilities for them. Child care and free cab facilities are some
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
iniatives
Correct your spelling
initiatives
 where the employees can benefit from their employers.To illustrate,a number of corporate multinational companies already started giving these option to their workforce.
Besides
Linking Words
,the leave policy can be modified to include more vacation leaves per year in order to spend
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
quality time with their families.
For example
Linking Words
,
japan
Change the capitalization
Japan
show examples
 has introduced parental leave to take care of the
new born
Correct your spelling
newborn
show examples
 to improve the bonding between the parents and baby. In conclusion,two of the main causes of the individual spending more time on work is their attitude to grow faster in the career ladder and the
employers
Change to a genitive case
employer's
employers'
show examples
 force to finish the project without escalation.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can be reduced by the
employers
Change to a genitive case
employer's
employers'
show examples
 innovative leave policies and employee-friendly facilities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance: the equilibrium between one's job responsibilities and personal life.
  • Overwork: working too hard or for excessive amounts of time.
  • Remote work: working from a location other than the central work office, often from home.
  • Flexible working hours: work hours that are adaptable to suit an employee's needs.
  • Commuting: traveling between one's home and workplace.
  • Digital technology: electronic tools and systems used to generate, store, and process data, often leading to increased connectivity.
  • Disconnect: to detach from technology or work communications, often to establish boundaries.
  • Time management: the ability to use one's time effectively or productively.
  • Prioritize: to determine the order for dealing with tasks according to their importance.
  • Employer support: programs or practices employed by an organization to assist employees in managing work and personal roles.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: