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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women
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Competition
is
Wrong verb form
has always been
show examples
 present in human lives since always. Some people argue that the competitive behaviour of
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
 gender is more natural than the other gender. As I see it, I partly agree with the statement and
this
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate more. First of all, history can show that
men
Use synonyms
 were those who
must have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 to prove themselves competitively.
Whereas
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 women’s tasks were taking care of children and being housewives,
men
Use synonyms
 should provide food, safety and respect for their families.
As a result
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, they normally have to compete between themselves for land or honour, or just to demonstrate which man was the strongest to be the leader or the chief.
Therefore
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, I agree that historically,
men
Use synonyms
 have been carrying
this
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 aptitude or even veiled responsibility
to
Change preposition
for
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 competitiveness.
Furthermore
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,
until
Change preposition
apply
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these days, even in the workplace, it is common to see
men
Use synonyms
 competing to prove who is more capable or has a bigger salary.
However
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, as far as I am concerned,
this
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 can be explained by a lack of opportunities for women. In the past,they were not allowed to participate in competitive events and dispute positions just because of their sex. Differently, nowadays every sport that allows
men
Use synonyms
 to show their grandiosity
,
Remove the comma
apply
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also
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 has space for the other gender and sometimes, the latter
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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uppermost
Correct article usage
the uppermost
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 results, proving that the fragile sex is just an older and prejudiced term.
For instance
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, Marta, a Brazilian soccer player, has won more “Ballon
D'or
Correct your spelling
d'Or
” than any other man alive.
Hence
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, it is just a matter of equality and opportunities, which was unthinkable decades ago, to women prove their value
To conclude
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,
although
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 I agree that it is possible to relate a greater sense and disposition to competitiveness to
men
Use synonyms
due to
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 the history and their positions in the past, I can not ignore the fact that women are pursuing their own space and proving in numbers and attitude that they can be equally or even more competitive than them.
Submitted by gusttmarquez on

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