IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people believe that the government should financially support retired people. Others feel that those who have retired should pay to support themselves. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#people #government #support
A government is made by the support of people. Few believe that retired people ought to be supported by the government, financially. While others don't support
this
 argument. I, partially agree to the former view. The public servants of a country are the basic building blocks for its development. They play a vital role in the progress and prosperity of the country. The contribution made by them is innumerable.
For instance
, the payscale at which the job is performed is very less.
As a result
, the government can use these extra funds for better purposes. The meagre savings of these employees can cause adversity in their life after their retirement, considering the years they can work, meaning they will need financial aid from the firm which they work for.
On the contrary
, there are corporates which pay their employees hefty salaries to get the job done. People working for
such
 'big fishes' get all the luxury during their work life. The former workers manage to commute to their workplace in public transport whereas, the latter can afford their own transport. New businesses and huge savings are very likely to be owned by the latter after their retirement.
This
 category might not need any assistance from the companies they worked for in the late 60s of their life. In conclusion, Financial assistance after retirement should be granted for certain types of employment and not for all types. The payscales at which each person worked can be a determining factor for considering pension schemes.
Submitted by remyaramesh08 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: