IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #music #role #society #form #entertainment
Music
 plays a pivotal role in our
society
;
however
, some others believe it is just a type of
entertainment
.
This
 essay will state why
music
 plays an important role and why some people feel it is only a source of
entertainment
. I personally feel that
music
 is extremely important.
Music
 has been an integral part of our
society
 since ancient times. In our history books, we have read how musicians were respected a lot for their talent. One
such
 example is the singer Tansen who was considered to be one of the nine gems of King Ashoka. There have been many exceptional singers in our country whose melodious voices have always calmed and soothed a troubled mind.
Music
also
 spreads love and binds people together in harmony. Who would not swoon to the melodious voices of singers like Lata Mangeshkar and Asha Bhosle
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 Some people though consider
music
 to be only a form of
entertainment
.
Such
 people concentrate only on the commercialization of
music
 rather than its soul.
Music
 is no doubt used in the
entertainment
 industry, in films,
advertizing
Correct your spelling
advertising
show examples
 etc,
however
,
music
 is what brings these to life. People would tend to hum these tunes only if the
music
 is good and catchy.
For example
, lots of children remember the jingle associated with a Maggi advert. To conclude, despite the fact that some people consider
music
 to be only a source of
entertainment
, others believe that
music
 is important to
society
. In my opinion,
music
 plays a vital role in our
society
 as it brings the people closer with love, harmony and melody.
Submitted by Santa Claus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: