IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, most of the famous people are living a wealthy and high-quality lifestyle.
Thus
Linking Words
, made many youngsters trying to follow celebrities steps. I strongly believe that it is completely wrong to have their lives as an example in normal life. there are many reasons for my disagreement, in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will represent some of the causes.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in my view, I clearly find that most of the celebrities, as actress, fashionists, car racers and football players, are not an excellent example for young people. Obviously, many of them are wealthy due to the overpriced salary or some of the advertisements they have been making, without an affective reward to society.
secondly
Linking Words
, some of the famous people would be a bad influence to adolescents,
for instance
Linking Words
, they are not well educated or not even had a grade, but by their glamourous lives, many of adolescents will blindly imitate their attitudes.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some of the high school students will be seduced by wealthy life of celebrities and easy earning money and
as a result
Linking Words
, they may quit studying and forget to focus on their future and neglect the fact
that is
Linking Words
 important to have a secure job for the real world. Overall, In my opinion, the sparkling lives of famous people had a negative impact on younger generations. To conclude, even though fancy life and the fame are dreams to some people, young people should pay more attention to their school and to the real achievements because
that is
Linking Words
 what they need most in a competitive world.
Submitted by dr.farah.mohd on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: