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Band 5

In most countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging out quality of life. do you agree or disagree?

#countries #companies #products #trend #quality #life
Globalisation has allowed big organisations to market their products in the global market in the
last
 20 years.
This
 has led to increased consumerism where people are spending more than they can afford to. I agree with the
staement
Correct your spelling
statement
 above as the number of people that are in debt has risen due to the increased spending items that are not essential and the effects it has on the environment.
Firstly
, the marketing platforms that most of
c
Add an article
the
show examples
ompanies utilise reaches out to masses and is now no longer limited to newspapers and magazines.
There
Replace the word
Their
show examples
 majority of people who own social accounts that have access to these
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 and multinational companies utilise those platforms to market their goods.
This
 attracts buyers and while people may not
neccesarily
Correct your spelling
necessarily
 need that
exorrbitant
Correct your spelling
exorbitant
 new gadget, they are lured into spending.
Therefore
,
this
 leads to splurges that the consumer cannot afford.
Consequently
, landing the individuals in unwanted debts.
Secondly
, the waste and pollution that arises from the various packagings
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
 to global warming. There are several materials used in the production of goods which eventually end up in landfills and are often not recycled.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, these materials are often
non bio-
Add a hyphen
non-bio-degradeble
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degradeble
Correct your spelling
degradable
 and take a longer time to breakdown. If no measures are taken, we would see a substantial increase
of
Verify preposition usage
in
show examples
 waste over the
next
 few years because of
this
 irresponsible consumerism. To conclude, the various channels that allow us to buy into the idea that we need to make an expensive purchase from big companies is a notion that needs to be eradicated. We would have fewer people in debt and
also
 the reduced wastages from mindless
consumersim
Correct your spelling
consumerism
consumers
 would be stopped.
Submitted by sanjani_basdeo on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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