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Band 4

Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

#children #time #computer #games #sports #development
The computer has changed our lives in different aspects
such
 as work, education, entertainment and many more. Some people claim that many
children
 play
computers
Change the noun form
computer
show examples
games
 a lot of the time and less
participates
Change the verb form
participate
show examples
 in outdoor sports. Well,it has affected their development both negatively and positively. Let us discuss the topic in detail with some relevant examples.
To begin
 with, modern technology has provided various electronic gadgets
such
 as computers, mobile phones,
tablets
Correct word choice
and tablets
show examples
.
Children
 keep themselves entertained all the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 by playing computer
games
,
online
Correct word choice
and online
show examples
 video
games
 with other players whether they are sitting in the same country or another.
However
, adolescents are getting addicted to computer
games
. To cite an example, a recent survey showed that 78% of kids have been involved in PUBG
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 in India. Most of the
games
 are online and
children
 just love to surf the internet . Sometimes, they become very depressed and get aggressive
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 normal things in their life.
Moreover
, it has a negative impact on a kid's development because they participate less in outdoor
games
. Physical
games
 keep them more healthy and fit, more alive.
For instance
, every year schools arrange 3 sports matches at a state level in Pakistan for the development of
children
.
Also
, electronic devices release ultrasound rays which are harmful to
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
 and body. It has been seen that many
children
 start wearing glasses at an early age and
then
 doctors advise them to wear them for the rest of their lives. To put it in a nutshell, excessive use of computers can cause more harmful effects on kids. The schools and their parents should supervise their
offspring's
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offspring
show examples
 and guide them to play outdoor
games
 for their physical and mental
good
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
health.
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coherence cohesion
Develop your introduction and conclusion in more detail. Your introduction should provide a clear overview of what the essay will discuss, and your conclusion should provide a summary of the main points and a final opinion. In addition, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully address the task question. Your response should clearly address the reasons why children spend more time playing computer games and less time on sports, and whether this is a positive or negative development. Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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