IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the government should support the funds for the arts, while some other people suggest that money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A particular issue about social funds has raised quite a concern at home and abroad. Some individuals consider that governments should spend more money on public health and
education
Punctuation problem
education,
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while
Linking Words
 others believe it is more useful to
support
Verb problem
allocate
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the funds for
Correct word order
funds for the
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 arts. In my opinion, it is necessary to look at the inherent details on both sides and
leads to
Verb problem
draw
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 a plausible conclusion. On one hand, unlike science that focuses on and
emphasizes
Use the right word
emphasises
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 figures,
art
Use synonyms
 offers
people
Use synonyms
 more faith and optimism that could turn the tide of the dark side of humanity. Modern
people
Use synonyms
have nowadays
Correct word order
nowadays have
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 accumulated pressure throughout their daily work time.
However
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,
art
Use synonyms
 provides opportunities to deal with the suffering that needs to be addressed.
For example
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, whenever
people
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 feel moody, they might seek shelter in music and drawing- either by singing, performing, or painting, through these
art
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 activities, which may help humans alleviate their stress.
Moreover
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, it escalates not only
people
Use synonyms
's mental situation but
also
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 generates more energy for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society and leads to a positive influence on
human-beings
Use the right word
human beings
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.
On the other hand
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, those individuals who focus on spending funds on public health and educational systems consider
a
Correct pronoun usage
it a
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more practical aspect of society. For one thing, public
welfare
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 provides
people
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's basic living needs.
Therefore
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, the more governments focus on the public
welfare
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 system, the more likely
will it
Correct word order
it will
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 influence the substantial aspect of citizens'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
For instance
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, governments should allocate some budgets for instituting educational sectors, public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
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, and public facilities. With these policies that
emphasize
Use the right word
emphasise
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 more on materialistic aspects of life,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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more possibilities will give rise to an elevation of public living standards.
Hence
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, leading to a profound impact on the community. To put
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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 a nutshell. I consider that both
art
Use synonyms
 and public
welfare
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 are inseparably interconnected.
That is
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 to say,
art
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 and public
welfare
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effect
Use the right word
affect
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on
Change preposition
apply
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either
Correct word choice
both
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 the mental and physical sides of humans.
Thus
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, it is an essential issue for modern society to learn to tip
a
Correct article usage
the
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 balance between
art
Use synonyms
 and public health, ranging from encouraging
people
Use synonyms
 to appreciate the beauty of
art
Use synonyms
 to instituting more public facilities.

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coherence
Plan your essay first. Make a clear map: intro, one main idea per paragraph, and a short end. Use simple links to join ideas.
task
Be sure to fully answer the task. State a clear view, give one or two real examples, and end with a simple verdict.
idea
Two sides are clear and shown in the essay.
evidence
Easy examples from art use a mood and feel to show why art can help people.
overall
The end shows a call to balance between art and public funds.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • public health
  • education system
  • economic benefits
  • job creation
  • tourism
  • local economies
  • quality of life
  • essential services
  • community engagement
  • mental health
  • social cohesion
  • public funding
  • balanced budget
  • investment in arts
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