Some people believe that the government should financially support retired people. Others feel that those who have retired should pay to support themselves. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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These days,
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the
an

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aging
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ageing

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society is one of several problems. Many elderly people retired and they cannot earn money anymore. So, some people say that
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g
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the

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overnment should
support
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them financially. And other people say people who retired should pay to
support
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themselves. In my opinion,
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g
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the

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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overnment should
support
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them but not only financially. They should give some other opportunities to retired people for they live by themselves. People
who
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whose

It appears that the pronoun who is in the wrong form. Consider changing it.

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retirement could be homeless on condition that
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g
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the

It appears that an article is missing before the word government. Consider adding the article.

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overnment do not
support
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them. In
resent
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recent

The word resent doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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research shows,
h
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a
the

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uman can live almost 100years-old or more, because of
improve
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improving

The verb improve may be in the wrong form after the preposition because of. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

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medical technology.
However
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, elderly people usually retired when they are 65years-old, and after
retired
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retiring

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb retired. Consider changing it.

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, they do not have enough money for their life. For
this
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reason,
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g
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the

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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overnment should financially
support
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

retired people.
On the other hand
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, providing that
government
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

pay to retired people for
support
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, other people have to pay more tax and it could lead to
e
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the

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conomy problem of
n
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the

The noun phrase nation seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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ation.
In addition
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many elderly people have depression after they retired
,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker because. Consider removing the comma.

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because they believe they are not part of society anymore.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
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g
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the

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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overnment should help them not only financially but
also
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mentally.
For instance
Linking Words

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, if health care people retired, they cannot work their field anymore, but they still have knowledge of medical, and I believe they can work as a volunteer for poor people. If
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g
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the

It appears that an article is missing before the word government. Consider adding the article.

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overnment pay for the elderly volunteer, it will good for both of them. In conclusion,
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

g
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the

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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overnment should
support
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

retired people. But if they
support
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

only financially, it could bring some other problems. In my opinion, if
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

g
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the

It appears that an article is missing before the word government. Consider adding the article.

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overnment give some other job to elderly people, depressing of retired people rate will decrease.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Other
nation
Change the wording
nations

The adjective other appears to be modifying the singular noun nation. Consider making a change.

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do not have
to
Verify preposition usage
apply

It appears that the preposition to may be unnecessary in this context. Consider removing it.

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more tax for retired people.

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