Schools should teach children some academic subjects which will be beneficial to their future careers. Therefore, other subjects such as music and sports are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#schools #children #subjects #future #careers #music #sports

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There has been a common assumption that young

people

Use synonyms

need to have to good academic background to be considered successful.

Therefore

Linking Words

, some

people

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believe that

music

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class and P.E should

remove

Wrong verb form

be removed

show examples

from the curriculum so that totally on teaching academic subjects. I disagree with

this

Linking Words

opinion as both

music

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lesson

Fix the agreement mistake

lessons

show examples

and physical education are essential for

students

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in terms of daily life and future

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

. Listening to

song

Fix the agreement mistake

songs

show examples

and playing musical instruments can be beneficial for

people

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's health,

that

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

can lighten one's mood and alleviate boredom. Attending a concert or streaming melody online is a leisure activity that can help them forget their stressful work or study for a

while

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, listening to light

song

Fix the agreement mistake

songs

show examples

can reduce anxiety and enhance sleep quality.

Additionally

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, rock shows differences between cultures, and encouraging

people

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to play

music

Use synonyms

can preserve the diversity of musical styles. Musical traditions differ from region to region, and there are substantial differences in musical instruments, rhythms, genres, beats, and lyrics.

While

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western

Capitalize word

Western

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music

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has gained in popularity throughout the world with pop

music

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, rock

music

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and blues heard everywhere, some traditional varieties of

music

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are still alive in some parts of the world. In China,

for example

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, some folk songs still have their fan base and there are musicians who attempt to keep these traditions alive.

Moreover

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, the

music

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industry can be a driver of economic growth. More

people

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choose to go to the concert and pay an exorbitant amount

for watching

Change preposition

to watch

show examples

the

music

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shows of their favourite musicians.

Additionally

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, singers and bands sell albums to make a huge profit or mementoes. For these reasons, the creative industry can create numerous jobs supporting musical performances and TV shows of talented musicians. In

this

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sense, it can become a new engine of the economy. Physical Education helps

students

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contributes

Correct subject-verb agreement

contribute

show examples

to self -development, and shape. Since social competition is fierce, young children have all

reasons

Correct article usage

the reasons

show examples

to achieve in-depth and comprehensive development in competitiveness. Physical exercises

such

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as playing basketball or playing football involve multiple team

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

which emphasized heavily on teamwork communication skills, coordination ability, and organization capacity.

Therefore

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, not only

can help

Wrong verb form

helps

show examples

tone and body and firm up muscles but

also

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can help

Wrong verb form

helps

show examples

them

Change preposition

apply

show examples

how

Rephrase

apply

show examples

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

become

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

excellent team member and master soft skills. Whenever conflicts happen in workplaces or other situations,

people

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with team

sprites

Correct your spelling

spirit

show examples

and soft skills which is befitting for their future job. Having PE or

music

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class，by occupying spare time constructively， makes

students

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contented, with no time for boredom.

To sum up

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, It can't be denied that the young generation is under pressure to be successful today, in fact, they can

also

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be successful in particle jobs like singers and

music

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teachers, etc. Introducing

music

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and PE

class

Fix the agreement mistake

classes

show examples

into the school curriculum could，to some extent， assist

students

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in realizing

overall

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development and add spice to their dull routine of everyday life.

Submitted by 1339232976 on Mon Sep 21 2020

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

1 paragraphs

476 words

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Schools should teach children some academic subjects which will be beneficial to their future careers. Therefore, other subjects such as music and sports are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

Many FPTU students use their phones and laptops to play games during the English lessons. What problems does this cause? What can be done to solve this problem?

Many people think that the behaviour of professional sportsmen/sportswomen on or off the field is not important as long as they are good players.To what extent do you agree or disagree with it ?

Living in big cities is bad for health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people feel that urban environments are more unhealty than they have ever been. What do you think are the main causes of this problem? What measures can be effective tackling this problem?