IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Write about the following topic. Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #computer #effects #children
Computers are essential for human beings in day to day life.Excess
usage
 of
computer
 can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 children which leads to multiple problems
such
 as visuality problem and back problems. I totally agree with the above statement.
Now a days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
 children
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been very much addictive to computers which lead them into several health issues.Studies
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 children those who
use
c
Add an article
the
a
show examples
omputer frequently have more chances of poor
eyesite
Correct your spelling
eyesight
.
For example
 , I am a school teacher in high school and I have seen many students with
spects
Correct your spelling
aspects
 in their early age
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when I asked them the reason for it most of them replied that they used to watch /play more on computers.
Moreover
Add a comma
,
show examples
high
usage
 of
c
Add an article
a
the
show examples
omputer at
e
Add an article
the
an
show examples
arly age of childhood will
also
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 children's brain.Overview excess of
usage
 can be dangerous for
e
Add an article
the
show examples
yes of the children. Lots of children are having back
pain
.The
majore
Correct your spelling
major
 reason for back
pain
 at
e
Add an article
an
show examples
arly age is sitting without any support or excess of sitting without any support which leads them into back
pain
.According to Dr Jhon of St. Michael's hospital back
pain
 cases has been increased in kids at present compare to
Correct your spelling
last
l
Add an article
the
show examples
st decade.
This
 shows how badly it effects.
Moreover
Add a comma
,
show examples
computer
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 internet connections which means they can connect to anyone and can watch anything which is quite not good for children. To summarize ,
h
Add an article
the
show examples
igh
use
 of computers are bad for children's health and growth.Eyesite and back problems can be caused by
e
Add an article
an
show examples
xcess of
usage
 of
c
Add an article
the
a
show examples
omputer.In my views,children should not
use
c
Add an article
the
a
show examples
omputer
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 but they can
use
 it
certianly
Correct your spelling
certainly
 because
computer
 knowledge is important in
this
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
 world.
Submitted by Mustafa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: