IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Private car ownership has been increasing over the past few decades. This has given ordinary people greater mobility, but has also led to concerns about traffic congestion and air pollution. Do the advantages of private car ownership outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the past few decades, private
car
Use synonyms
 ownership has increased and
this
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 has given ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 to have better mobility,
therefore
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, it
also
Linking Words
 led to concern about traffic jams and bad air conditions. I believe using a private
car
Use synonyms
 provides benefits that outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, having their own
car
Use synonyms
 is very useful for
people
Use synonyms
 who have to go to work and it can save time for individuals rather than other transportation
such
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 as buses, subways, and taxis.
Furthermore
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, most of the owners of automobiles would be employees who live far away from their workplace because they can be used for the long term.
For example
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, my sister lives about 10 kilometres away from the office building,
hence
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, she tends to have her own cars to transport easier.
In addition
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, ordinary
people
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 should have better conditions for their mobility to improve their quality of life and to avoid crowded areas on public transport.
On the other hand
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, more private
car
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 ownerships can
also
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 have shortcomings,
such
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 as traffic jams or traffic accidents and
this
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 reason can cause more impact on air quality that can have a negative effect on their healthcare systems.
For instance
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, research shows an increasing amount of PM 2.5 in Bangkok, which is the reason why
people
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 have lung cancer.
As a result
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,
people
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 can easily get lung cancer. In conclusion, having analyzed both the pros and cons, I believe that we gain more positive impacts than negative consequences from improving their quality of work and commitment.

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task achievement
While you provided a relevant example about your sister using her car to commute, using a wider variety of examples would strengthen your argument. Try to include both personal anecdotes and more general examples.
coherence cohesion
Overall, your essay stays fairly focused on the topic. However, improve coherence by using more cohesive devices and ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
For a more substantial conclusion, briefly summarize the main points of your argument to reinforce your overall stance.
task achievement
You clearly state your position in the introduction and maintain a consistent argument throughout the essay.
task achievement
The example about your sister is relevant and helps to illustrate your point about the benefits of private car ownership.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • mobility
  • independence
  • economic benefits
  • automotive industry
  • convenience
  • commuting
  • leisure activities
  • social benefits
  • emissions
  • air pollution
  • global warming
  • traffic congestion
  • urban areas
  • public infrastructure
  • maintenance
  • road safety
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