IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reason for this rise in obesity, How could it be tickled?

#world #societies #obesity #children #adults #reason #rise
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, the youths are attracted more toward fast foods and have a lesser interest in the traditional food items that contain the required amount of minerals, vitamins, proteins, etc.
As a result
Linking Words
, all over the globe, parents are facing problem with an increase in the weight of their offsprings. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will discuss the problems related to obese and the possible solutions which we can implement to omit
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Firstly
Linking Words
, with the emerging COVID-19 pandemic, people are barred to go out and follow a daily routine.
Therefore
Linking Words
, everyone is bound to be within the four walls and carry out a minimal amount of work.
As a result
Linking Words
, electronic gadgets appears to be one of the best ways to pass leisure time, which leads to laziness and causes obesity.
For example
Linking Words
, as part of day-to-day work, an individual, after completing his online classes, have lunch and prefer taking rest on the couch with playing around on mobile phones.
Hence
Linking Words
, to overcome
such
Linking Words
 problems, parents must encourage their children to do a workout or practise yoga in leisure time.
Secondly
Linking Words
, with the increase in population, there had been a lot of constructions going on.
Thus
Linking Words
, there are fewer playgrounds and gardens left behind, where the grown-ups can group together and play. Due to
this
Linking Words
, children, from the past few years have developed their interest in video games and social media applications. As these interests do not involve physical activities, the issue of obese is concerning.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the government must plan to include play areas in their building infrastructures to avoid increasing problem of obesity. At
last
Linking Words
, with the correct guidance of parents and the governing parties, the overweight among children and adults can be controlled. In conclusion, by planning our day including workouts and healthy diet we can avoid being a patient of obese and do our work with more interest.
Submitted by Leena Kapoor on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: