IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More than half of the world’s population now lives in urban areas. The rapid growth of cities in some parts of the world is bringing all kinds of social, economic, and environmental problems. Describe some of these problems and suggest possible solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#half #world’s #population #lives #areas #growth #cities #parts #world #kinds
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In the era of urbanisation, many
people
Use synonyms
 move to the cities in search of better opportunities.
However
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, despite the benefits of living in a
city
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, there are
also
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 many drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss the
problems
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 relating to a surge in
city
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 inhabitants and examine possible solutions.
To begin
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, there has been a growing media coverage which has had an impressive influence on
people
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's
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
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 towards the
problems
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 associated with
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 population in urban areas.
For instance
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, in 2018, BBC News reported that 65 per cent of
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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 population now lives in cities and to accommodate the high volume of
people
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, authorities have built approximately forty new buildings costing more than 10 million just in the first quarter of the year. Indeed, the numbers are shocking for the public, as an enormous amount of
taxpayers
Change noun form
taxpayers'
taxpayer's
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 earnings is
getting
Verb problem
being
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 utilised to construct tall skyscrapers. Based on
this
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 report, it is profoundly evident that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 needs to obtain control
in
Change preposition
over
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 the number of
people
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 relocating from the countryside to downtown. A solution to
this
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 situation can be investing in faster trains from rural areas to the
city
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 for commuting working
people
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.
In addition
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 to the impact on the economy, another problem
city
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people
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 are likely to experience is an act of terrorism. It is known that
such
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 attacks are often aimed at
highly-dense
Correct your spelling
highly dense
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 areas, so many
people
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 are injured.
For instance
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, in 2015, London experienced two major incidents
by
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of
show examples
 religious rebellions which left around 5000 citizens dead and others injured.
Such
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 events are traumatising, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
law-makers
Correct your spelling
lawmakers
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 need to implement steps to prevent
such
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 disasters. One way
this
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 problem can be resolved is by investing in highly advanced security cameras and scanners in dense parts of the centre.
This
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 idea has been practised by Sweden, and since its application, the country has not faced any major attacks since 1995.
To conclude
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, in the face of
rapidly
Correct article usage
a rapidly
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 growing urban population, there are many
problems
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 emerging
such
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 as the impact on the economy and terror attacks. The aforementioned solutions which can help in preventing these
problems
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 include, investing in
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 transport projects and installing thermal scanners and cameras.
Submitted by mehulsharma on

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task achievement
You have expanded your ideas well and included some logical examples, which supports your task response. However, some of the examples can be more directly connected to the problems discussed. For instance, the connection between constructing buildings and the high cost should be explained more clearly in the context of social and economic issues.
coherence cohesion
Focus on ensuring each paragraph clearly addresses one main idea. This will assist in presenting a more logical and coherent essay structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and a well-defined conclusion that summarize the main points neatly.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, like the BBC report and the situation in Sweden, effectively supports your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • metropolitan areas
  • slums
  • overcrowding
  • sanitation
  • crime rates
  • disease transmission
  • unemployment
  • economic inequality
  • pollution
  • waste accumulation
  • climate change
  • affordable housing
  • urban planning
  • infrastructure
  • diverse job market
  • education and training programs
  • skilled labor
  • public transport
  • traffic emissions
  • green policies
  • regulations
  • recycling
  • waste management
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